Evaluating Your Marriage

This is a questionnaire which may be used to assess the strength and maturity of your marriage. It is suggested that each spouse complete it separately, then compare notes. Rate your marriage on a scale from 1 (lowest) to 5 (highest) in each of the different categories. This will highlight areas for growth. It also highlights differences in perception about your combined strengths and weaknesses.

Affection
Companionship/Friendship 1 2 3 4 5
Do you enjoy being together? Talking? Is your spouse your best friend?


Intimacy/Sex 1 2 3 4 5
Does your spouse express his/her affection often? Display affection in public? Does your spouse touch you enough? Too much? The way you like it? Do you go to bed together? Get up together? Kiss each other often? When you greet one another? How is you sex life? Do you consider your spouses' needs/desires above your own? Does either feel denied sexually? Is your lovemaking frequent and varied? Do you both regularly achieve fulfillment? Are either of you ashamed of the other seeing your body? Do you ever make cutting remarks about the others body?

Captivation 1 2 3 4 5
Are all of your amorous/sexual thoughts and energies focused on your spouse alone? Are they growing stronger? Does your spouse know how much you love him/her? Do you think often about you spouse? Do you love to look at and watch your spouse?

Communication
Understanding/Empathy 1 2 3 4 5
Do you know all about each other? Do you want to know your spouse inside out? Do you want to be known in the same way? Absolutely honest? Nothing hidden? Are you open with thoughts, feelings, facts, sins, dreams? Are you both growing more aware of and sensitive to the other's feelings, concerns? How often do you talk? Deeply?

Encouragement/Esteem-Building 1 2 3 4 5
What does your spouse believe about you? That you are a loser or that you are amazing and wonderful in every way? How frequently do you compliment each other? How often do you say "I love you" or express appreciation for one another? Do you hurt each other with cutting or careless remarks? Sarcasm? Skepticism? Negativity? Indifference? Does your spouse make you feel special? Competent? Beautiful? How frequently?

Conflict Resolution 1 2 3 4 5
Do you resolve conflict easily? Quickly? Is there lingering bitterness? DO you lack of forgiveness? Do you have a record of wrongs? Do you respect each others opinions? Feelings? Do you avoid conflict or resolve it? Do you walk out on conflict? Do you find it easier to just give up? Do you find mutually beneficial solutions? are you willing to sacrifice? Compromise? Is harmony more important to you than winning?

Cooperation
Like-minded/God-centered 1 2 3 4 5
Do you believe the same spiritual matters? If you are Christian are you both disciples of Christ? If you are not, do you study your religion together? Is your life focused on your beliefs? Both of you? Do you love what God loves? Hate what God hates? Are you confident your spouse shares your same values? Are you working toward the same goals? As a team? Together?

Roles 1 2 3 4 5
Does each of you know and accept your God-given roles in marriage? Does the husband lead? Does the wife help? Does he abuse his role by dominating or do you both have equal respect for one another? Do you help the other fill the role God has given them?


Finances 1 2 3 4 5
Does your spouse respect the way you handle finances? Is the division of financial responsibilities working well? Should it be changed? Do you both share the same financial goals?

Children 1 2 3 4 5
Do you agree on whether, when, and how to start (or increase) your family? Are you unified in you efforts to raise, discipline, and teach your children?