Loving the "Gap" in your marriage.

Too often married couples live in the future expectation as opposed to living in the moment.

Sometimes in marriage we tend to find ourselves dwelling on a desired outcome as opposed to living in the present.

It's the "when, then" factor of our lives.

"When "this" happens, "then" I will feel or have that?
"When I loose weight, then I can be more sexually available for my spouse."
"When he/she listens to my needs, then I will stop yelling."
"When the kids are teenagers, then I can focus on our relationship again."

We all have our "when, then" mantra's in our life. We cling onto them. We "get by" with them. We will even fool ourselves into believing these are some sort of goals or things to work towards.

In fact the only thing these statements are doing is keeping us from living in the moment.
That area between what actually is and what you are hoping to get to is what I call the "Gap".

It is actually that "gap" between what is and what is wanted where we actually are is where you will find your relationship. Where you can find the love, passion and understanding you so desire. Your relationship is the "Gap" between the two. It's not the "then" part of your world, it's the now!

The thing we all have to understand is we have virtual no control over the outcome we end up with. We have no idea what the "then" or "there" will actually be. We have a hope of what it will be, but we don't know.

That old saying comes up again, "Man plans, God laughs."

For a very blunt example; take one of your "when, then" scenarios for your own spouse.
"When he/she does this, then I/we will have that."
What happens, heaven forbid, your spouse dies on the way home form work today? Your "then" will certainly never come to fulfillment. Your outcome has completely changed and worst of all you now realize you missed out on the now part of your life.

Now, I am not saying you should not have goals or a desired outcome. However, too often we tend to not live our lives and enjoy the now part of our lives in exchange for the "someday" effect.

I got news for you, Someday NEVER comes. There is no Someday on any calendar in the world!

You have to learn to live and love in the Gap between what is actually so in your life and where you want to eventually be in your life. Love the person in front of you, that you chose to spend the rest of your life with, NOW!