Letting the flame burn out...

Have you ever met a couple like this? Have you ever been this way in your own marriage?

Why does the media constantly portray marriage as a death sentence, and an end to fun and happiness? Even more importantly, why do we as a society buy into it?

Case in point, the "romantic comedy" released earlier this year titled, "He's Just Not That Into You". For those of you who may not have seen it, it explores the interconnecting lives of a dozen young people in their quest for love and fulfilling relationships.

While most of the couples found a light-hearted, amiable conclusion to their story lines, the one married couple took a dramatic turn for the worse. Of

Hello again!

So, it's been awhile since that last blog entry. A lot has happened in the past few months, and we've neglected our baby, The Biz of Marriage.

Dino has been super busy on a few projects, and so I, the other half of this brainchild, must pick up the slack and start contributing to the blog. I hope you will continue checking in and contributing.

I have big shoes to fill. Please be gentle on me :)

So much to catch up on, so much going on in the news. In our home, there's been a lot of discussions with the kids about the show Jon & Kate Plus 8. My kids loved that show, and watched it frequently. For me, watching that show was like witnessing a tragic head-on collision about to happen, while having no power to intercede. Truly a sad story. I have more thoughts on it, but need time to get them out properly.

For now, I wanted to share this little thought of the day.

Being a Team by Dr. Gary Smalley
http://www.smalleyonline.com/articles/truth/beingateam.html

Do you work hard at making sure that your most valuable relationships succeed?

Picture yourself in a rowboat, gliding down the river with your friend or coworker or spouse. Suddenly an argument erupts. You see a shotgun resting in the bottom of the boat, and to make your point, you seize the gun and start blowing holes in the bottom of your little vessel.

You might get your point across—but what happens to the boat? It sinks. And who's in the boat? Your partner … and you. What a fine time you'll have, celebrating your "victory" all the way to the bottom of the river!

Remember this: in any kind of significant relationship, you can't win unless other person also wins. So in your own best interest, you have to make sure that he or she wins. For exactly the same reason, the other person has to make sure that you win. The only alternative is that you both lose.

When you choose to enter into a significant relationship with another person, you're also choosing to become a member of a team. All relationships involve choice. You can choose whether that team is going to succeed or fail. You decide whether it brings you pain or delight. It's your choice.

------------

Have a great day!

Shannon

Love, American Style

I saw this cartoon today and it made me sad. Initially it's funny, but then I felt bad for all the people who really feel this way about relationships.
It's such a familiar theme in our modern culture; marriage = end of fun & frolic, and the beginning of an arduous, life-long chore that we are destined to bear.

What does it say about our generation, when we live in the best era in history, and yet can't find happiness in one of the most basic forms, relationships?

Constant Contact

I travel a lot and often don't get to see the kids and Shannon for a week or two at a time. Although it is hard on us all when I'm gone, we make it a real focus to talk to each other at least once a day. This has really helped keep each others spirits up.
I was recently at a engagement and while traveling with a group of other guys, one of them said that he hadn't spoken to his wife in three days. I had to ask what seemed to me the obvious question, "Is she mad at you?" He, very matter of factually said that she wasn't, he just forgets to call her and they don't really think about it too much.
I honestly could not understand that thinking.
One of the greatest things about modern technology is the fact that there is really no excuse not to get in contact with the ones you love on a consistent basis. We are so blessed to have the ability to get on a phone or computer and communicate with those we love most. We don't have to wait weeks or months for the post to come as in the old days. We aren't paying a crazy per minute charge to call long distance. There is literally no excuse not to have daily contact.
I want to be able to encourage Shannon when she is having a rough day while at home with the kids by herself and I need that in return from her while out working. However, it's not just the encouragement, it's more often just the reminder of our relationship. How much I love hearing her voice. How much I enjoy teasing the kids or just hearing about their day. Every day!
We, like Oprah, have found Skype recently. It's a great, free way to not just talk but to see them and they me.
Make it a habit to call your spouse at least once a day, just to check in on them and see how they are.
Husbands, one phone call in the middle of the day to say "I love you" or "How are you doing" will be much appreciated by your wife.
Wives, the same right back at you. We love to know that you are thinking of us throughout your day. Even in the middle of "slaying the dragons" there is always time for a quick, "I'm proud of you, I believe in you, I love you" from our princesses.

How did she get THAT gene?

The kids are old enough now we have them share in cleaning the dishes duties. The other day it was Avery's turn to load the dishwasher. Although they all take longer then needs to be taken to load, Avery has a way of really dragging it out. About 1/4 of the way through she decides she has to take a bathroom break. No big deal. She comes back about 5 minutes later to begin again. After another 15 minutes of taking her time loading she suddenly has to go to the bathroom again. It was then when I realized she does that a lot when it comes to work. She will get started then suddenly have to go to the bathroom. This will happen a few times during whatever the assignment will be. She can go all day playing with friends or watching a long movie and never have to get up, but when it comes to work, all of the sudden her bladder starts tapping at her.

Suddenly an even bigger realization came to me... I did the exact same thing growing up. I started to have flashbacks to working concrete with my step dad during the summers and I would often find myself having to go to the bathroom, just to get a break from working, even if just for a few minutes. I would do it during house chores as well, hoping that the five minutes I spent in the bathroom would mean when I got out the work had somehow magically diminished.

Avery and I definitely share some personality traits like being nosy by wanting to be involved in adult conversations, a desire for attention and a love of laughing. Those I attribute to being a third child. Since she was borne, everyone has said she looks like me but is the "bathroom gene" something that could actually be passed on?

Looks and middle child personality traits, those I get, but I never realized I could pass on the "I'm working, therefore I must go to the bathroom" gene?

This is a test to my site through my phone

New look, new feel, new direction

Hey Everyone,
First of all, I know it's been a while since I posted. I have been going through some major changes and have not had the time to post anything. In the meantime it has given me a chance to think about the direction of my blog and what I really want to do with it. Up to now it has been simply an advice blog. Tips and ideas I have from my book and my events. Even though I will continue to do so, I have now decided to add more about my life and what is going on in our family. The idea behind this new direction is to show the ideas and principles I teach actually being put into action.

Ideas, tips and tricks are fine and good, yet the purpose is also to show how they can work in your life, marriage and family.
In addition, some of the blogs will be video blogs...If I can ever figure out how to make the video cam work with sound.

I hope this finds you all well and the new direction of the site excites you as much as it does me.
Dino

P.S. I did hold a drawing of the winner for the contest. I did it with the video cam. Unfortunately as you just read, I am having difficulty getting the sound to work on it. As soon as I get that to work I will post it. The person who won goes by the name S'mee and I don't know who that is, so I will need their contact information.

New Look Contest

In celebration of Spring we have grown a new look for the blog. As you can tell, we have made it match our web site with our main logo and information as well as changing the name to The Business of Marriage.

In honor of that we want to get your feedback on the new look as well as ANYTHING else you want to comment on. Just for leaving a comment you will be entered into a drawing for a $25 American Express gift card. That's right, just for leaving a comment, you could win a $25 gift card to spend as you like!

I love getting feed back from all of you and I appreciate your support of my mission to change the direction of divorce in this country.
By the way, the winner will be announced on Monday April 6th so you better hurry!