Good night

A routine that is so vital to kids is the evening routine. So many parents just send their kids up to bed without a closing of the day. Don't we all want a happy ending? If it's a movie, television show or a book and good ending is appreciated. It's the same with kids and the end of their day.
Since our kids were little we have always had a routine to get them in bed. And we always made it an earlier than later bed time.
We start with a family prayer. (If you are not religious, then just a things we are grateful for today sharing time will work). Then all the kids separate to their rooms and wait for us to come in. Then we ask the question- "What were you're highs and lows for the day?" They then name one or two things that they felt were good about their day and then one or two things that were not so good. This allows them a quick review of their day with us and also allows them to express any concerns with their siblings or friends, sorrow for bad behavior or things they want to work on for the next day.
Then we ask what they want to dream about tonight. Now the night is in there hands. We noticed early on that this alone helped cut down on the nightmares children often have because they go to sleep now thinking of this dream.
Then we have a series of quick answer questions.
We ask /They answer
"Who do we love?" /"Me"
"A little or a lot?" / "A lot"
"For today or forever"/ "Forever"
"Who's the luckiest mom and dad in the world?" / "You are."
"Why?" / "Because you have such great kids."
"Who are..."/ "Going to grow up and do great things in the world."
"Like..." /They say what ever they want.
"Good night, sleep tight." / "Don't let the bed bugs bite."

We do this with each child individually. It takes about two minutes each but it is something we all look forward to. It helps them settle down, relax, have some alone time with us and most importantly ends their day on a great note.
If I'm out of town on work I can still call in and do it and it's lite a hug over the phone.

The last thing we do before we shut doors is we sing a little song. It's a bit cheesy but it is really cute. The song we sing is a prayer. I actually stole it from one of my childhood favorite shows, The Donny and Marie show. It's their ending song, which works as a prayer as well.

"May tomorrow be a perfect day, may you find love and laughter along the way. May God keep you in his tender care, until we're together again. Good night everybody."


Then the doors shut and everyone is down for the night.

Just like in most things kids like routines. It makes thing normal and reliable. This is just one of the systems we have in place for them.
What are some of the systems you have in your family?

Flowers and Formal

One of my favorite systems Shannon and I use is what we call our Flowers/Formal system.
Let me explain:
Shannon loves the look of fresh flowers in the house. What woman doesn't right? To be honest, I like it too. Fresh flowers look good, they smell great, there's just not a lot of negatives you can say about fresh flowers. To Shannon it is a constant reminder of my love for her and that I did something, thinking of her on one day, but the sentiment lasts for over a week. If I happen to add one or two pieces of See's candy along with it, well that's just double the points for me. For most people it is not feasible to have fresh flowers every day or every week for that matter. However I have never been a fan of the idea that the only time to get her flowers is on some made up holiday or birthday. Once a month is a good target.
I, like a lot of men, enjoy more physical ways of demonstrating romance. However, there's basic normal romance, what we call "fast food" romance and there is "gourmet dinner" romance. Let's face it, due to time and life circumstance, most marriages have a lot more "fast food" than "gourmet "meals. Most men understand this, we would, however, like having a "gourmet meal" more often than every three months or so. Having our wifes, look (hair and make up done), smell (perfume) and feel (shaved legs and lingerie) like the fresh flowers once a month would be nice.
Therefore Shannon and I put a simple and effective system in place. Once a month Shannon is guaranteed to get a nice bouquet of flowers delivered to her. That is her reminder to put fourth her best effort one evening of her choice. It doesn't mean it is going to happen the night she get' s her flowers. It doesn't even mean it's going to happen that week. It just serves as a mind trigger for her. There is no pressure, it's just a reminder.
As a tip for the guys: I have a account with ProFlowers.com and it reminds me every month to get her flowers. I can even choose to buy a pre-order plan where it automatically ships flowers to her every month with out me having to order. I enjoy choosing the flowers every month so I choose not to do that. However it is there for you guy's who are concerned about forgetting.
For the Ladies: Shannon has been able to find some very tasteful web sites for lingerie and other things. Remember the rule: Flannel is never sexy!
This is just one simple system that we have been able to put into place where everyone gets what they want with no pressure, whining or unrequited feelings of romance.
What systems are you going to put into place today?

I'm looking for your vote!

The things you CAN NOT control

In business there are always things you can control and things you can not. The stock market is something that can not be controlled, the way you invest in the stock market and handle the daily changes in it is something you can control. This is the same in your marriage relationship.

I was reading an article recently about dealing with addictions in your marriage and I wanted to share some thoughts. The article was designed to help a spouse of an addict understand what they can and what they can not control in the situation. As we have all heard, from alcohol to drugs to internet pornography these addictions are increasingly attacking the the bonds of marriages. Often when a spouse learns of a partner's involvement with an addiction they are likely to have a feeling of hopelessness, anger, fear, betrayal and if that addiction involves pornography, a feeling of diminished self worth.
In this confusing time it is important to understand the things a spouse of an addict can and can not control.
Factors spouses CAN NOT control- Their partners behavior- Their partners desire to change their partners recovery process.
Factors spouses CAN control- Their response to their partners behavior- Their ability to care for themselves- Their willingness to forgive- Their own since of self worth

When reading these factors I found it interesting that these factors also are a part of your relationships in general. Wither it be with your spouse, your child, co-worker or your mother-in-law. So often we get involved in the belief that we can change them, usually through complaining, nagging or anger. The truth, that we all know, is that you have no control over other peoples behavior. The only behavior you can have any control over is your own.

Looking for ways to improve yourself and feeling of self worth on an individual basis is crucial to the success of your marriage. Both partners are responsible to bring 100% of their best to the "marriage table". When both are doing so and encouraging each other in their endeavors, with heartfelt interest, the false statement of "we grew apart" that so many use to excuse bad behavior will not be a concern in your Business of Marriage.

Finally Home!

I'm finally back. Shannon and I figured that in the last month I have been home about a week in total.
Jamaica was awesome! We had a great time and really enjoyed not having a cell phone or emails to answer to. It was definitely a memory that the kids will have for a very long time. Here's a little travel tip for you, if you ever go to Jamaica, be careful not to over pack!. By "over pack" I mean more than two swim suits and one regular pair of clothing. We were literally in our swim suits all day everyday and the only time we were in other clothes was to go to dinner. It's great to have a week long vacation that you can get away with just bringing a carry on bag to travel with.
The day after getting back I got a call from T. Harv Eker's group to fly up to Montreal the next day. I did that then came come only to leave three days later for San Fransisco for a MMI event. Then came my five days home only to turn around and take the entire family to California so the kids could attend the Landmark for young people event. After coming home from that Shannon and I had committed to being a part of a BUY filming for a Parenting course. That took two days. Then Saturday I flew out to LA again to speak for a Real Estate company only to fly back Sunday night and here I am.
Now I can start on setting a new date for the BOM event and work on bringing T. Harv Eker himself to SLC. A huge undertaking but I know it will be well worth it.
I just got the promo video for The Business of Marriage back from the videographer and love it. We will be placing it on the web site soon but for now you can view it on youtube by clicking here. http://youtube.com/watch?v=4VT1BrZmEuY
I hope everyone is doing great and look forward to seeing all of you soon.

New Site

We just put up our new site at www.thebizofmarriage.com
There is some great information on our new two day event. Look forward to seeing you there.

Millionaire minds getting down to business

Wow, this last two weeks has flown by. A week ago we left to Denver for the Millionaire Mind Intensive. What an experience that was!!
I actually got to view it as a volunteer. It was really interesting seeing the transformations that occurred from an entirely different angle. To watch my friends and family transform themselves through was really a unique gift.
Something that I did not expect to effect me as much as it did was all of the people that came up to me who I didn't know, thanking me for bringing the event to Salt Lake, therefore giving them the opportunity to grow. Couples with tears in their eyes, hugging me as they expressed their gratitude. That was something I will never forget.
My intention is to work with Harv Ekers team at Peak Potentials Training to get Harv himself here in the fall. That will be really awesome.
Another awesome happening will be the first Business of Marriage two day intensive. I was going to push off the event to next month, however I really want to get things going and try a few things out so I am going to be holding a free event. That way I can tape a few things and really get them flushed out. It will also allow me to start monetizing the system. I am really excited about it and what it will do for people.
Shannon and I are leaving with the kids on Monday to Jamaica! We are all excited about it. A week away...can't wait.

Living in the Future

This month is supposed to be the month I start writing specific chapters my book as opposed to just a bunch of notes, thoughts and statistics that I have gathered up to now. I'm also in the middle of writing all of the curriculum for the two day event on May 30-31. The challenge seams to be, I'm not in the mood! After the Millionaire Mind event and all the work that was involved in that, I feel drained. Even just organizing all of my notes seems daunting. I think its my pending vacations fault.
Next month we are taking the whole family to Jamaica fro a week. I have not been able to stop thinking about it. No cell phones, no email, no phones, no television, no appointments, it is all a little to much to believe. Yet, going to be so great.
The answer seems to be in my own advice, (Isn't it usually that way), Living in the past is called depression, living in the future is called anxiety, so I can only live in the NOW. So I guess I just need to get to work and stop whining about it. Even if it's not exactly what I want, at least it will be something.