“May I suggest that our ability and our credibility to exemplify reverence for God is strengthened as we show respect for each other. In today’s society, the standards of decorum, dignity, and courtesy are assailed on every side and in every form of media. As parents and leaders, our examples of respect for each other are critical for our youth and children because they are watching not only the media—they are watching us! Are we the examples we need to be?” Margaret S. Lifferth

What is your emotional currency?

In business currency is used to measure it's success. In the US we use the dollar, Japan the Yen, Europe the Euro and so forth. Every business, even non-profit's, need money to operate successfully. When companies decide to do business with each other internationally, it is vital they know the exchange rate for their primary currency as well as the rate of the currency they will be doing business with. Lately the dollar's value has been dropping internationally so it typically takes a lot more of them to buy something over seas than it did before. That is not to say there is no value in it from other countries, it just might not be the currency other business consider the most valuable to them.

In your marriage, your spouse and you both have one currency you value above another. That currency is how we express or show love to one another. This currency is how you communicate your love to them and they to you. The challenge arises in many marriages when either one THINKS or ASSUMES they know the others currency without actually taking the time to find out, or better yet ask, what their spouses real currency is. Some highly value physical touch over material gifts while others place the most value on together time.
The confusion comes in the fact that all currency has some value to it, however not all currency has the most value according to each person. Service projects are probably always appreciated by her but if her most valued currency is encouragement or praise you will never get the response you want, and she will never feel you are as loving as you could be in her mind.
This comes in to evidence when you hear someone say things like, "I do everything on he list of honey-do's! I take out the trash, she never has to clean the car or mow the lawn, and yet it is still never enough!" However, even though those things are nice, if all she really wants is for you to tell her how beautiful she is, how proud you are of her and how amazing a mother she is, you will be coming up short in her emotional currency "bank". It's as if you are giving her $1000 US and her currency is YEN. She appreciates the money and knows it has value, it just isn't the currency she would prefer to do business in.
All of us have a currency that we value over all others. Most of the time ours is not the same as our spouses. Our "exchange rates" are not equal.
The good news is there are only currencies you have to learn. As soon as you know what your spouses is, you can focus on giving that to them and you will see a major difference in how they accept your tokens of affection.
Here they are:
Acts of kindness (charity or service): Doing something for them, even when you don't want to. This is my wife's. She feels the most love when I hang a picture, clean out a closet, paint a room, run errands or just about anything on my eternal "honey-do" list.
Physical touch: Holding hands, a hug, sitting next to each other, a back rub, a tap on the bum, sexual foreplay and sexual intercourse.
Affirming words (encouragement, praise): Telling them how wonderful they are, celebrating a "win" at work, encouraging them to peruse a hobbies or education, telling them how proud you are of them, telling them how good they look and make you feel, tell her what a great mother/wife she is, tell him how much you appreciate his hard work.
Material gifts: Cards, flowers, presents, love letters, making dinner for him/her, gifts both handmade and store bought.
Time: Talking with each other (Television off, or at least on pause), running errends together, going on dates, going for walks together, vacations, playing games with the kids.

As you can see all of these currencies have a value to them. However, we all hold one value over the other. If you figure out what your spouses' is and focus on giving them their currency you will never feel short changed!

Back from the abyss....and better for it!

I hope this summer was good for all of you. I know I learned a lot about myself, my desires, and my genius in life.

Its been a while since you've heard from me (I choose to believe you actually noticed), so I wanted to start out this fall season by telling you how much I have missed all of you and your support for The Business of Marriage.
There is an old saying, "Man plans, God laughs". I know I'm not the only one out there who understands that statement, and my prayers go out to anyone in need of them at this time. I know I have needed and felt them for me these last few months.

WHERE HAVE I BEEN?

As many of you know, The Business of Marriage is a passion of mine and has been for a few years. I was able to start and move forward with the idea largely due to the financial position I was in in life. Although I do believe you don't have to have money in order to live your passion, it sure makes things a lot easier. At the end of last year we experienced, as many people did, an economic downturn in our lives. We had investments that tanked or stopped paying out, and companies I had done contract work for suddenly stopped paying me for jobs I had already done. Our savings eventually ran out so I decided to pause the promotion of The Biz of Marriage and focus on providing for my family financially.

Luckily, I have a neighbor who invited me to go to work for him. So I dropped everything and took my family to CA for the summer in order to work for APX Alarm Company. This would give me the ability to make a decent amount of money in a relatively short period of time. Although it was humbling going back to the basics of selling again, I was determined to use all my training and knowledge to be the best I could be. I also knew this experience would be a great learning tool for later on. Exactly when that would come in handy, and what it would look like, I did not know. I just chose to believe it would.

In the end I accomplished what I had set out to do. I was the top first year salesman in my office, as well as top 10 in my region. I tell you this not to brag, but to hopefully encourage you to never give up, and to excel at whatever you set out to do. There is always a way to accomplish what you want/need.


MY MISSION NEEDS YOUR HELP

As I have stated since beginning this journey, my mission is to improve the quality of marriages and lower the divorce rate in this country, and then in the world. There is no better time, or more need for this information than right now.

Now that I am back in town and moving forward, a few ideas have opened up to me. In the pursuit of these ideas, I am going to ask for your help.

One of my plans is to bring this information to our military. Married soldiers who are returning from Iraq, Afghanistan or any long- term deployment, need to have a set of tools to acclimate themselves back into their lives and especially their relationships. I believe The Business of Marriage to be a great tool that can dramatically improve their lives. If any of you know someone in the military that can refer me to the person/department I need to contact, I would really appreciate your help.

My second area of need is connecting with someone who has a background in radio producing or developing. If you are that person, or know of anyone who is, I would appreciate an email. I have an exciting idea that will make a positive contribution to radio once my vision is realized.

Third, The Business of Marriage was developed not only for individuals wanting to improve their relationships, but for businesses as well. Companies who are excited to increase their bottom line through increased productivity and higher retention levels have succeeded when they took an interest in their employees beyond the workplace. Providing support and training for familial relationships will improve employee attitudes and performance, and will decrease personal days taken due to marital challenges or divorce proceedings. Any company looking to thrive in this tough economic climate will be looking for alternative, cost-effective ways to stay ahead of the competition, and The Business of Marriage should be one of their tools.
Shortly I will be setting up luncheons for business owners, human resources managers, and principle decision makers to familiarize them with my curriculum and invite them to enroll their business in my training. If you know of anyone who might have an interest in these free luncheons, please have them contact me for information.

Lastly, in preparation for future events, I am looking for groups or clubs that would like me to come and speak to them about the Business of Marriage concepts. I am writing new material and changing a few things around, so I need an audience willing to provide feedback. If you have a group or would like to put one together I would love to talk to you about the possibilities.

My hope is this news letter hits a wide range of people with a great deal of skill, knowledge and networks so I'm just putting my intentions out there in hopes that someone, or many of you, will be able to help.

FINALLY

This summer has been a time for renewal and refocusing in my life, as I know it has been for many of you.
The Business of Marriage was created to give hope and possibility to everyone who hears it. I hope it does that for all of you.

Please allow me to thank all of you for your continued support.

Dino

Letting the flame burn out...

Have you ever met a couple like this? Have you ever been this way in your own marriage?

Why does the media constantly portray marriage as a death sentence, and an end to fun and happiness? Even more importantly, why do we as a society buy into it?

Case in point, the "romantic comedy" released earlier this year titled, "He's Just Not That Into You". For those of you who may not have seen it, it explores the interconnecting lives of a dozen young people in their quest for love and fulfilling relationships.

While most of the couples found a light-hearted, amiable conclusion to their story lines, the one married couple took a dramatic turn for the worse. Of

Hello again!

So, it's been awhile since that last blog entry. A lot has happened in the past few months, and we've neglected our baby, The Biz of Marriage.

Dino has been super busy on a few projects, and so I, the other half of this brainchild, must pick up the slack and start contributing to the blog. I hope you will continue checking in and contributing.

I have big shoes to fill. Please be gentle on me :)

So much to catch up on, so much going on in the news. In our home, there's been a lot of discussions with the kids about the show Jon & Kate Plus 8. My kids loved that show, and watched it frequently. For me, watching that show was like witnessing a tragic head-on collision about to happen, while having no power to intercede. Truly a sad story. I have more thoughts on it, but need time to get them out properly.

For now, I wanted to share this little thought of the day.

Being a Team by Dr. Gary Smalley
http://www.smalleyonline.com/articles/truth/beingateam.html

Do you work hard at making sure that your most valuable relationships succeed?

Picture yourself in a rowboat, gliding down the river with your friend or coworker or spouse. Suddenly an argument erupts. You see a shotgun resting in the bottom of the boat, and to make your point, you seize the gun and start blowing holes in the bottom of your little vessel.

You might get your point across—but what happens to the boat? It sinks. And who's in the boat? Your partner … and you. What a fine time you'll have, celebrating your "victory" all the way to the bottom of the river!

Remember this: in any kind of significant relationship, you can't win unless other person also wins. So in your own best interest, you have to make sure that he or she wins. For exactly the same reason, the other person has to make sure that you win. The only alternative is that you both lose.

When you choose to enter into a significant relationship with another person, you're also choosing to become a member of a team. All relationships involve choice. You can choose whether that team is going to succeed or fail. You decide whether it brings you pain or delight. It's your choice.

------------

Have a great day!

Shannon

Love, American Style

I saw this cartoon today and it made me sad. Initially it's funny, but then I felt bad for all the people who really feel this way about relationships.
It's such a familiar theme in our modern culture; marriage = end of fun & frolic, and the beginning of an arduous, life-long chore that we are destined to bear.

What does it say about our generation, when we live in the best era in history, and yet can't find happiness in one of the most basic forms, relationships?

Constant Contact

I travel a lot and often don't get to see the kids and Shannon for a week or two at a time. Although it is hard on us all when I'm gone, we make it a real focus to talk to each other at least once a day. This has really helped keep each others spirits up.
I was recently at a engagement and while traveling with a group of other guys, one of them said that he hadn't spoken to his wife in three days. I had to ask what seemed to me the obvious question, "Is she mad at you?" He, very matter of factually said that she wasn't, he just forgets to call her and they don't really think about it too much.
I honestly could not understand that thinking.
One of the greatest things about modern technology is the fact that there is really no excuse not to get in contact with the ones you love on a consistent basis. We are so blessed to have the ability to get on a phone or computer and communicate with those we love most. We don't have to wait weeks or months for the post to come as in the old days. We aren't paying a crazy per minute charge to call long distance. There is literally no excuse not to have daily contact.
I want to be able to encourage Shannon when she is having a rough day while at home with the kids by herself and I need that in return from her while out working. However, it's not just the encouragement, it's more often just the reminder of our relationship. How much I love hearing her voice. How much I enjoy teasing the kids or just hearing about their day. Every day!
We, like Oprah, have found Skype recently. It's a great, free way to not just talk but to see them and they me.
Make it a habit to call your spouse at least once a day, just to check in on them and see how they are.
Husbands, one phone call in the middle of the day to say "I love you" or "How are you doing" will be much appreciated by your wife.
Wives, the same right back at you. We love to know that you are thinking of us throughout your day. Even in the middle of "slaying the dragons" there is always time for a quick, "I'm proud of you, I believe in you, I love you" from our princesses.

How did she get THAT gene?

The kids are old enough now we have them share in cleaning the dishes duties. The other day it was Avery's turn to load the dishwasher. Although they all take longer then needs to be taken to load, Avery has a way of really dragging it out. About 1/4 of the way through she decides she has to take a bathroom break. No big deal. She comes back about 5 minutes later to begin again. After another 15 minutes of taking her time loading she suddenly has to go to the bathroom again. It was then when I realized she does that a lot when it comes to work. She will get started then suddenly have to go to the bathroom. This will happen a few times during whatever the assignment will be. She can go all day playing with friends or watching a long movie and never have to get up, but when it comes to work, all of the sudden her bladder starts tapping at her.

Suddenly an even bigger realization came to me... I did the exact same thing growing up. I started to have flashbacks to working concrete with my step dad during the summers and I would often find myself having to go to the bathroom, just to get a break from working, even if just for a few minutes. I would do it during house chores as well, hoping that the five minutes I spent in the bathroom would mean when I got out the work had somehow magically diminished.

Avery and I definitely share some personality traits like being nosy by wanting to be involved in adult conversations, a desire for attention and a love of laughing. Those I attribute to being a third child. Since she was borne, everyone has said she looks like me but is the "bathroom gene" something that could actually be passed on?

Looks and middle child personality traits, those I get, but I never realized I could pass on the "I'm working, therefore I must go to the bathroom" gene?