Dating or engaged evaluation

I have been asked by my non-married friends to create a questionnaire they can use so here goes. The first one was one I tweaked from the internet. This one I tweaked again. I hope it helps assess the strength and maturity of your relationship or pending nuptials. It is suggested that each of you complete it separately, then compare notes. Rate your relationship or expectation of what you want in your marriage on a scale from 1 (lowest) to 5 (highest) in each of the different categories. This will highlight areas for growth or in some cases reconsideration. It also highlights differences in perception about your combined strengths and weaknesses. Over all, I hope it starts a conversation around what you both expect out of your marriage.

Affection
Companionship/Friendship 1 2 3 4 5
Do you enjoy being together? Talking? Is the other your best friend? Do you like non-sexual touching i.e. holding hands? Cuddling on the couch? Kissing in public?

Communication
Understanding/Empathy 1 2 3 4 5
Do you know all about each other? Do you want to know them inside out? Do you want to be known in the same way? Absolutely honest? Nothing hidden? Are you open with thoughts, feelings, facts, sins, dreams? Are you both growing more aware of and sensitive to the other's feelings, concerns? How often do you talk? Deeply?

Encouragement/Esteem-Building 1 2 3 4 5
What does they believe about you? That you are a loser or that you are amazing and wonderful in every way? That they are settling for you due to age, time or other extenuation circumstances? How frequently do you compliment each other? How often do you say "I love you" or express appreciation for one another? Do you hurt each other with cutting or careless remarks? Sarcasm? Skepticism? Negativity? Indifference? Do they make you feel special? Competent? Beautiful? How frequently?

Intimacy 1 2 3 4 5
Does they express his/her affection often? Display affection in public? Does your spouse touch you enough? Too much? The way you like it? Do you plan on going to bed together? Get up together? Do you kiss each other often? When you greet one another?
Do you consider their needs/desires above your own? Do you ever make cutting remarks about the others body? Have you discussed how you will deal with the possibility of being attracted to another?

Sex 1 2 3 4 5
Do you believe sex is important? Are you waiting for sex till marriage? Do you enjoy making out with them? Do you feel comfortable having a discussion if you have a dream about someone else? Will that hurt their feelings? Have you discussed what you want your sex life to be like? Have you talked about what you are or are not willing to do? Do you consider their needs/desires above your own? Are they open to discussion if either of you feels denied sexually? Is either of you ashamed of the other seeing your body? Do you ever make cutting remarks about the others body?

Captivation 1 2 3 4 5
Are all of your amorous/sexual thoughts and energies focused on them alone? Are they growing stronger? Do they know how much you love him/her? Do you think often about the other? Do you love to look at and watch them? Have you created a plan on how you will help your love and affection continue to grow throughout the years?

Conflict Resolution 1 2 3 4 5
Do you resolve conflict easily? Quickly? Is there lingering bitterness? Do you lack of forgiveness? Do you have a record of wrongs? Do you respect each others opinions? Feelings? Do you avoid conflict or resolve it? Do you walk out on conflict? Do you find it easier to just give up? Do you find mutually beneficial solutions? Are you willing to sacrifice? Compromise? Is harmony more important to you than winning? Other than in addiction, affair or abuse, Is divorce an option?

Cooperation
Like-minded/God-centered 1 2 3 4 5
Do you believe the same spiritual matters? If you are Christian are you both Disciples of Christ? If you are not, do you study your religion together? Is your life focused on your beliefs? Both of you? Do you love what God loves? Hate what God hates? Are you confident your spouse shares your same values? Are you working toward the same goals? As a team? Together? Have you discussed how you will support each other in the “weak times” or times when you are questioning your faith?

Roles 1 2 3 4 5
Does each of you know and accept your God-given roles in marriage? Is he ready to lead? Is she ready to help? Have you noticed him abuse his role by dominating decisions or do you both have equal respect for one another? Do you help the other fill the role God has given them? Is he willing to work a fast food counter if necessary to support her? Is she willing to encourage him in his chosen profession?


Finances 1 2 3 4 5
Do you know how much debt each has? Do you respect the way they handle finances? Do they respect the way you handle finances? What do you both think about money? Is it a good thing? Do you want as much as you can get? How will you divide financial responsibilities? Do you know where each others strengths are? Do you both share the same financial goals?

Children 1 2 3 4 5
Are you sure you both want children? Do you have a clear idea of how many children you both want? Do you agree on whether, when, and how to start (or increase) your family? Are you unified in you efforts to raise, discipline, and teach your children? Have you discussed how you will discipline your children? Spanking? Yelling? If they have children from a previous relationship, how will your role as the one “stepping” be defined?

In-Laws 1 2 3 4 5
Do you both get along with each others parents? Other family members? Do you have specific boundaries about how much involvement their mother/ father can have on your marriage? Do you want to live by their family? Do they want to live by your family?

If you were to look at your pending marriage as a business partnership, you would want to know that your possible partner shared as much interest in growing and expanding your business as you do. You would not accept mediocrity from them just because you liked them or felt good about them. As a matter of face, Fortune 500 companies spend lots of money hiring head hunters and recruiters to find just the right person for the job. I hope this survey/ evaluation helps yo do the same.