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In my events I recount the story of the day my dad left. I was 8 years old and I still remember seeing him pull out of the driveway in his Honda packed with his stuff. Leaving our family for good. As I stood in my driveway my neighborhood friend Michelle cam riding up on her bike. She could obviously see I was upset and asked why. When I told her about my dad, she tried to console me by saying, "Oh my dad has left plenty of times but he always came back. I'm sure yours will too." However I knew, deep down, he would not.
I remember being frustrated at the time because my parents were quitting when they had taught me not to be a quitter.
When I was in T-ball and I struck out (Yep, back in those day's you could actually strike out in T-ball, and I did...more than once) they would tell me not to give up.
In soccer, even though I was the smallest one on the team and couldn't run as fast as the other kids, they would always tell me to keep trying.
When it came to chores around the house, they would tell me not to do just what was asked of me, but to go the extra mile.
Yet, there I stood, on my driveway watching my parents, give up, stop trying and forgetting the extra mile.
I know I am not the only child that has gone through a divorce and felt this way. I would also bet that most parents in this situation would respond to this in almost the same manner. Using the infamous words, "Well, we TRIED."
Now here is where it gets dicey for some people and a few of you might not like to hear this. The phrase "I'll try", in almost anything that matters, is basically saying, "I plan on failing, I just don't want to admit it right now."
Trying to make a cake, build a car or figure out a complicated math problem might be something you just don't know how to do and it's admirable you even want to attempt it. To often, however, people use the word "try" as a scape goat or an excuse as to why they quit or gave up early.
If you say, "I'm going to try and be a good husband" are you really dedicated to being one?
If you go into a marriage saying, "I'm going to try and make it work" are you committed to it's success?
You either do it or you don't. You are either committed or your not.
The reason so many people have a negative reaction to this concept is they don't like the idea of admitting failure. It pains us to say we actually failed at something. Why?
"It is on our failures that we base a new and different and better success."-Havelock Ellis
Remember Mr. Miyagi? The momet he took Damiel San asside and told him in karate there is no "try". You either do or don't do. On right side of the road is do. On the left side of the road, don't do. In middle of road, "squash like grape".
In your marriage, make a decision to not get "squash like grape". Make the decision to allow each other to fail, for the purpose of learning, and commit to being a successful relationship. When you open yourself, your relationship and those around you up to a space of it being okay to fail as long as there is a commitment to learn from that failure, you open yourself up to a world of real love, peace and understanding.
Does it take being humble? Yep. Will you have to sacrifice some of your feelings of immediate gratification? Probably. Is it always fun? Nope. Will you need to never give up and go the extra mile? Absolutely.
And the reward for deciding not to "Try" and commit to success, is an amazing relationship with those you love most and an awesome example for your children and grandchildren.
