Posts
My wish for all of you is to have an amazing new year. I hope this blog is an inspirational and helpful source for you. Whether you are single or married, this blog is meant for anyone who is interested in improving their relationships through practical experiences and ideas.
I hope to see all of you at my upcoming events.
See you next year!
Wednesday, December 31, 2008
Monday, December 29, 2008
Go to bed with your spouse!
Okay, I admit it. I'm having an affair with my computer. I cozy up to my Facebook, lovingly stare at my email and I'm even getting ready to start a relationship with Twitter. Not to mention an occasional fondling of the blogosphere.
I use the internet for many reasons. Primarily for research, networking and marketing. Now, I know Im not alone. According to a recent study from IDC an internet tracking company,
"People now spend twice as much time surfing the Web as they do watching TV, according to new research from IDC.
IDC surveyed nearly one thousand Internet users for the survey. They found that:
* The Internet is the medium on which online users spend the most time (32.7 hours/week). This is equivalent to almost half of the total time spent each week using all media (70.6 hours).
* People spend twice as much time on the Internet as they spend watching television (16.4 hours).
* People spend eight times as much time on the Internet as they spent reading newspapers and magazines (3.9 hours)".
I have recently talked to a few couples where time spent on the internet or in front of the television is taking away from their relationship. Especially when it comes to the internet. Whether it's on-line gaming or chat rooms, use of the internet for non work purposes is quickly becoming the "other person" in the marriage. This is a huge danger that can quickly get out of hand.
For this entry I'm not even going to go into the issue of the ease of pornography or the supposed immunity in chat rooms that can lead to secret dating or romance, what I want to focus on is much simpler.
It's the danger of not going to bed together.
It can be blamed on television just as easily. Going to bed together, as often as possible is crucial to a good relationship. This time alone with no other distraction allows for conversation about the family and each other.
I am a night person, luckily so is Shannon. However, there are times where I just can't sleep or I want to write a little longer even though I am committed to going to bed at the same time as her. So in those times I will go with her to bed, have our conversation, say a prayer together and then as she falls asleep I will get up and finish what I started. Just wanting to be on-line or staying up without a true purpose is not an option.
Recently I was at a speaking engagement. After my presentation, one of the staff came to me and confessed to having spent an entire year of his life playing an online game called World of Warcraft. He was out of work and started playing around with this game one evening. Before he knew it, it was 3am. This started a habit where he would get up at 6am and get on line to play only to stop playing at 2am the next morning. His wife worked full time and supported their financial needs. When I asked him what his wife thought about him and this addiction, he proclaimed how amazing a wife he had and that even though he was sure she didn't like it, she "didn't really complain that much". I don't doubt his evaluation of her being an amazing wife. She would have to be amazingly patient in order to put up with that behavior. Unfortunately, I'm sure they never really got to discuss her true feelings of his addiction. I'm sure he never asked. When could he have? During the 4-6 hours of sleep he got. All the many night they both missed out on being and talking with each other because of a silly game. Nothing about his actions did anything to strengthen that marriage.
I was glad to see he finally got sick of doing nothing, finally logged off and got back to life. However, there is a year in their life that couple will never be able to get back. All those wasted nights spent on a game, they could have spent together. Strengthening their relationship. Growing together and actually knowing how the other felt about...what ever! Instead he has absolutely nothing to show for it other than regret and, on her part I would guess, disappointment.
If you find yourself staying up while your spouse is in bed because of a video game you want to finish or a television show you want to watch or you're chatting in a room, whit people you neither really know nor care about, you need to ask yourself, "What am I avoiding with this behavior?" Just as important, ask yourself, "What am I missing out on by not going to bed with my spouse?"
By the way it's not just men who have this issue. The fasting growing demographic of on line gambling is women.
A recent answer on a yahoo message board explained it well when asked this question.
"We had both been married before when we married each other several years ago. Before we married, we sat down and discussed the things that had gone wrong in our first marriages and talked about how not to repeat them. One of the issues that arose is that we had both had spouses who did not go to bed at the same time as us. My husband's first wife had used it as an avoidance tactic; he was always asleep by the time she came to bed.
We vowed to go to bed at the same time, and we always do. Sometimes it means that one of us has to compromise. My husband is an Army officer and when he comes home from a deployment or exercise he can be whacked by 8.00p.m but we STILL go to bed together. It truly makes a difference. We read, make love... talk things over....It always signals an especially close time when one of us says 'time for bed?' time for just us, alone together."
Do yourself and your relationship a favor this new year. Make a commitment to getting to bed together as often as possible this year. I guarantee it will change your relationship for the better.
I use the internet for many reasons. Primarily for research, networking and marketing. Now, I know Im not alone. According to a recent study from IDC an internet tracking company,
"People now spend twice as much time surfing the Web as they do watching TV, according to new research from IDC.
IDC surveyed nearly one thousand Internet users for the survey. They found that:
* The Internet is the medium on which online users spend the most time (32.7 hours/week). This is equivalent to almost half of the total time spent each week using all media (70.6 hours).
* People spend twice as much time on the Internet as they spend watching television (16.4 hours).
* People spend eight times as much time on the Internet as they spent reading newspapers and magazines (3.9 hours)".
I have recently talked to a few couples where time spent on the internet or in front of the television is taking away from their relationship. Especially when it comes to the internet. Whether it's on-line gaming or chat rooms, use of the internet for non work purposes is quickly becoming the "other person" in the marriage. This is a huge danger that can quickly get out of hand.
For this entry I'm not even going to go into the issue of the ease of pornography or the supposed immunity in chat rooms that can lead to secret dating or romance, what I want to focus on is much simpler.
It's the danger of not going to bed together.
It can be blamed on television just as easily. Going to bed together, as often as possible is crucial to a good relationship. This time alone with no other distraction allows for conversation about the family and each other.
I am a night person, luckily so is Shannon. However, there are times where I just can't sleep or I want to write a little longer even though I am committed to going to bed at the same time as her. So in those times I will go with her to bed, have our conversation, say a prayer together and then as she falls asleep I will get up and finish what I started. Just wanting to be on-line or staying up without a true purpose is not an option.
Recently I was at a speaking engagement. After my presentation, one of the staff came to me and confessed to having spent an entire year of his life playing an online game called World of Warcraft. He was out of work and started playing around with this game one evening. Before he knew it, it was 3am. This started a habit where he would get up at 6am and get on line to play only to stop playing at 2am the next morning. His wife worked full time and supported their financial needs. When I asked him what his wife thought about him and this addiction, he proclaimed how amazing a wife he had and that even though he was sure she didn't like it, she "didn't really complain that much". I don't doubt his evaluation of her being an amazing wife. She would have to be amazingly patient in order to put up with that behavior. Unfortunately, I'm sure they never really got to discuss her true feelings of his addiction. I'm sure he never asked. When could he have? During the 4-6 hours of sleep he got. All the many night they both missed out on being and talking with each other because of a silly game. Nothing about his actions did anything to strengthen that marriage.
I was glad to see he finally got sick of doing nothing, finally logged off and got back to life. However, there is a year in their life that couple will never be able to get back. All those wasted nights spent on a game, they could have spent together. Strengthening their relationship. Growing together and actually knowing how the other felt about...what ever! Instead he has absolutely nothing to show for it other than regret and, on her part I would guess, disappointment.
If you find yourself staying up while your spouse is in bed because of a video game you want to finish or a television show you want to watch or you're chatting in a room, whit people you neither really know nor care about, you need to ask yourself, "What am I avoiding with this behavior?" Just as important, ask yourself, "What am I missing out on by not going to bed with my spouse?"
By the way it's not just men who have this issue. The fasting growing demographic of on line gambling is women.
A recent answer on a yahoo message board explained it well when asked this question.
"We had both been married before when we married each other several years ago. Before we married, we sat down and discussed the things that had gone wrong in our first marriages and talked about how not to repeat them. One of the issues that arose is that we had both had spouses who did not go to bed at the same time as us. My husband's first wife had used it as an avoidance tactic; he was always asleep by the time she came to bed.
We vowed to go to bed at the same time, and we always do. Sometimes it means that one of us has to compromise. My husband is an Army officer and when he comes home from a deployment or exercise he can be whacked by 8.00p.m but we STILL go to bed together. It truly makes a difference. We read, make love... talk things over....It always signals an especially close time when one of us says 'time for bed?' time for just us, alone together."
Do yourself and your relationship a favor this new year. Make a commitment to getting to bed together as often as possible this year. I guarantee it will change your relationship for the better.
Renewing you!
The end of a year always seams like a great time for reflection as the approaching new year gives us the opportunity to renew. So take the time this week to sit down and take inventory of what it is you did this last year and what it is you want to accomplish this next year. Celebrate those things you did great at last year. Congratulate yourself for a job well done in specific areas and then write down how you would like to improve on them for next year. If you had a few things you fell short on last year, don't focus on them, just renew your commitment for the new year or realize you don't really want to focus on it this year and forget about it all together.
Goals or resolutions are not supposed to be something that depresses you if you don't make them, they are supposed to be a motivator for change. If every year you make the same resolution or goal only because you failed at accomplishing it last year and the year before that and the year before that, then maybe you should change the goal or even stop focusing on it all together. Why do you keep beating your self up for something you obviously don't really want to do in the first place.
If you really do want to make a change then make the reason for that change bigger. Make the WHY you want to do this bigger the your excuse not to. A lot of people set the goal to loose weight. It usually has to do with vanity more then health. However, if the WHY was truly because you see your health declining, blood pressure on the rise or you being a candidate for diabetes or heart failure, you probably would focus on that as your "why" as opposed to wanting to look good in a bathing suit.
Here's another idea about the weight thing. Don't set a goal to "loose" the weight. Most things that are "lost" tend to have a way of being found again. Release the weight from your life, therefore you won't go looking to find it again.
Sit down with yourself and your spouse and figure out what you want to renew about yourself this year. What personally do you want to gain or release from your life as well as as a couple. What financially do you want to gain or are their goals you set you want to renew.
Goal setting as a couple is vital to knowing where you want to go together. What you what to do or accomplish as a family.
Click here for some tips on setting goals for this new year from an interesting website I found.
Goals or resolutions are not supposed to be something that depresses you if you don't make them, they are supposed to be a motivator for change. If every year you make the same resolution or goal only because you failed at accomplishing it last year and the year before that and the year before that, then maybe you should change the goal or even stop focusing on it all together. Why do you keep beating your self up for something you obviously don't really want to do in the first place.
If you really do want to make a change then make the reason for that change bigger. Make the WHY you want to do this bigger the your excuse not to. A lot of people set the goal to loose weight. It usually has to do with vanity more then health. However, if the WHY was truly because you see your health declining, blood pressure on the rise or you being a candidate for diabetes or heart failure, you probably would focus on that as your "why" as opposed to wanting to look good in a bathing suit.
Here's another idea about the weight thing. Don't set a goal to "loose" the weight. Most things that are "lost" tend to have a way of being found again. Release the weight from your life, therefore you won't go looking to find it again.
Sit down with yourself and your spouse and figure out what you want to renew about yourself this year. What personally do you want to gain or release from your life as well as as a couple. What financially do you want to gain or are their goals you set you want to renew.
Goal setting as a couple is vital to knowing where you want to go together. What you what to do or accomplish as a family.
Click here for some tips on setting goals for this new year from an interesting website I found.
Wednesday, December 24, 2008
Merry Christmas
Whatever your traditions might be I hope you have a great holiday season filled with love and memories to last a lifetime.
From my family to yours,
Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year!
From my family to yours,
Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year!
Monday, December 22, 2008
I still remember
I'm going to make this one a short one for all of you last minute husbands out there still trying to figure out what to get your spouse for Christmas,or if you are feeling the penny's pinch this month.
Give her a card, a letter or a mini-book of all the things you can remember about her. From the first time you saw her to now. No major explanations, just the things you remember.
Depending on how long you have known her, will determine how long the card or letter will be.
This idea also works for anyone who is just thinking of an inexpensive gift to a loved one.
Here are some other great gift ideas.
Give her a card, a letter or a mini-book of all the things you can remember about her. From the first time you saw her to now. No major explanations, just the things you remember.
Depending on how long you have known her, will determine how long the card or letter will be.
This idea also works for anyone who is just thinking of an inexpensive gift to a loved one.
Here are some other great gift ideas.
Friday, December 19, 2008
Poll Results
In our recent poll asking you when you feel the most love towards your spouse, the response was overwhelming.
56% of those who participated said they felt the most love for their spouse around the time of their anniversary.
A distant second was Christmas time at 26%. Followed by 20% saying their spouses birthday was the time they felt the most love. Surprising to only those who own stock in Hallmark, Valentines Day came in dead last with only 1% of the vote.
I think that's great. That's how it should be. I have never been a fan of the V-Day. Sure I've fallen into the trap of feeling the pressure to get a card or flowers for my wife. However, I tend to get her flowers every month anyway and would rather give her a card throughout the year because I want to express my feelings toward her, not because of pressure from a made up holiday.
Because most of you feel more love towards your spouse during your anniversary I want to offer an experiment. Let's remember back to when you were dating and/or first married and you marked every month as an anniversary. Let's go back to those times for the next six months. If your really daring, do it for a year. Do yourself and your marriage a favor and take it to the next level by not telling your spouse what you are up to. Just like your anniversary, make it on the same day every month.
You don't have to do anything fancy, just give them a card saying how much you appreciate them. Bring home a single rose. Make them their favorite dinner. Hire a house cleaner as a surprise. Use your imagination. The key is to not let them know what you are up to. Just do it because you want to remember and create that feeling of love towards them every month.
If the anniversary month is the time a majority of people feel the most love towards their spouse, then in order to strengthen your marriage it only makes since to make every month your anniversary month.
56% of those who participated said they felt the most love for their spouse around the time of their anniversary.
A distant second was Christmas time at 26%. Followed by 20% saying their spouses birthday was the time they felt the most love. Surprising to only those who own stock in Hallmark, Valentines Day came in dead last with only 1% of the vote.
I think that's great. That's how it should be. I have never been a fan of the V-Day. Sure I've fallen into the trap of feeling the pressure to get a card or flowers for my wife. However, I tend to get her flowers every month anyway and would rather give her a card throughout the year because I want to express my feelings toward her, not because of pressure from a made up holiday.
Because most of you feel more love towards your spouse during your anniversary I want to offer an experiment. Let's remember back to when you were dating and/or first married and you marked every month as an anniversary. Let's go back to those times for the next six months. If your really daring, do it for a year. Do yourself and your marriage a favor and take it to the next level by not telling your spouse what you are up to. Just like your anniversary, make it on the same day every month.
You don't have to do anything fancy, just give them a card saying how much you appreciate them. Bring home a single rose. Make them their favorite dinner. Hire a house cleaner as a surprise. Use your imagination. The key is to not let them know what you are up to. Just do it because you want to remember and create that feeling of love towards them every month.
If the anniversary month is the time a majority of people feel the most love towards their spouse, then in order to strengthen your marriage it only makes since to make every month your anniversary month.
Thursday, December 18, 2008
Powerful request from a Pastor
Recently I heard a news story about some very interesting and powerful council from a Pastor of a church in Grapevine, TX. Why it struck me is because I have often suggested the same thing to couples who are having a strain in their marriage or just want to grow closer to each other.
Rev. Ed Young, pastor of the Fellowship Church, suggested to his married couples an entire week of “congregational copulation”. That's right; SEX. He did this while pacing in front of a large bed and flipping through a Bible.
The article called this a "controversial topic among his religious community". However, I don't know anything controversial about it. Hello secular world and media, Christians like to have sex to. We just prefer not to have it splattered all over the television and computer in the name of, so called "sexual freedom". Sexual fulfillment is one of the most spiritual things you can do in your marriage and will have major lasting affects on your relationship.
The challenge was to have sex everyday, at least once, for an entire week. (I can hear and see some of the gasping and eye rolling now from some of you) His advice is right on. A healthy sex life is not only important to a relationship but give you a connection you don't get otherwise in your otherwise busy lives. It allows the two of you to become one, and if done properly, allows the other to focus on the needs of the one person they love most in the world.
Some of you might be worried this challenge will have you making love out of obligation not desire. I would propose this; If the thought of having intimate alone time with you spouse, everyday for an entire week automatically brings up concerns or ways to denounce the challenge, you probably do the same when it comes to any amount of intimacy with your spouse. You think of excuses or reasons why it won't work for you or why that's a crazy request. That's why taking on this challenge is a great opportunity for you to actually work on making it spontaneous and create that desire.
In her book, And They Were Not Ashmed, Laura Brotherson writes,
"A little playfulness and creativity in appropriate ways can add vitality to your sexual relationship. Don't let lovemaking become predictable or routine-predictability can squelch sensuality."
I can hear some of you now, "But if we are both committed to making love for an entire week, where's the spontaneity in that?"
Like Laura says, shake it up a bit. Steel a moment away in the middle of the day. Surprise him at work. Take a bath together after the kids go to bed. Welcome him home with the kids gone at grandma's house and you in the buff. Make it up! Get creative. If you are feeling empty in the creative arena, do something really crazy and ask your spouse what they think would be creative.
At this closing of the year, why not set a goal that you can not only keep up on, but will absolutely strengthen your marriage. Once you have taken up the challenge from myself and Pastor Young for one week, continue by following his further advice to his congregation after the experiment was over, “keep on doing what you’ve been doing this week. We should try to double up the amount of intimacy we have in marriage. And when I say intimacy, I don’t mean holding hands in the park or a back rub.”
Rev. Ed Young, pastor of the Fellowship Church, suggested to his married couples an entire week of “congregational copulation”. That's right; SEX. He did this while pacing in front of a large bed and flipping through a Bible.
The article called this a "controversial topic among his religious community". However, I don't know anything controversial about it. Hello secular world and media, Christians like to have sex to. We just prefer not to have it splattered all over the television and computer in the name of, so called "sexual freedom". Sexual fulfillment is one of the most spiritual things you can do in your marriage and will have major lasting affects on your relationship.
The challenge was to have sex everyday, at least once, for an entire week. (I can hear and see some of the gasping and eye rolling now from some of you) His advice is right on. A healthy sex life is not only important to a relationship but give you a connection you don't get otherwise in your otherwise busy lives. It allows the two of you to become one, and if done properly, allows the other to focus on the needs of the one person they love most in the world.
Some of you might be worried this challenge will have you making love out of obligation not desire. I would propose this; If the thought of having intimate alone time with you spouse, everyday for an entire week automatically brings up concerns or ways to denounce the challenge, you probably do the same when it comes to any amount of intimacy with your spouse. You think of excuses or reasons why it won't work for you or why that's a crazy request. That's why taking on this challenge is a great opportunity for you to actually work on making it spontaneous and create that desire.
In her book, And They Were Not Ashmed, Laura Brotherson writes,
"A little playfulness and creativity in appropriate ways can add vitality to your sexual relationship. Don't let lovemaking become predictable or routine-predictability can squelch sensuality."
I can hear some of you now, "But if we are both committed to making love for an entire week, where's the spontaneity in that?"
Like Laura says, shake it up a bit. Steel a moment away in the middle of the day. Surprise him at work. Take a bath together after the kids go to bed. Welcome him home with the kids gone at grandma's house and you in the buff. Make it up! Get creative. If you are feeling empty in the creative arena, do something really crazy and ask your spouse what they think would be creative.
At this closing of the year, why not set a goal that you can not only keep up on, but will absolutely strengthen your marriage. Once you have taken up the challenge from myself and Pastor Young for one week, continue by following his further advice to his congregation after the experiment was over, “keep on doing what you’ve been doing this week. We should try to double up the amount of intimacy we have in marriage. And when I say intimacy, I don’t mean holding hands in the park or a back rub.”
Wednesday, December 17, 2008
What makes them feel loved?
Do you know what make your spouse feel loved? Do they know what makes you feel loved?
Have you asked them? Have they told you?
Too often we assume what makes the other feel loved or important and too often we get it wrong. Why? Because we assume we know and yet all we really have to do is ask and we will never have confusion again.
What if you had a literal list of things your spouse told you make them feel loved and important? You could wake up in the morning and look at the list of things you could do and then do them. Boom! Guaranteed affection! No guess work involved. It's all right on the list they made. It's almost like having an instruction manual for your spouse on how to make them feel loved. Can you imagine how many disappointments and even arguments that would resolve?
Well stop imagining and start doing.
Here is a date night assignment for you:
Forget the movie. Go to a quiet place, even check into a hotel if you have to, and make lists with each other. Talk about exactly what it is that makes you feel loved.
Do you feel love when he takes out the garbage?
Do you feel love when she makes your favorite breakfast?
Do you feel love when he let's you sleep in?
Do you feel love when she lets you watch the entire game with out interruption?
Name both the big and little things. Those things that take planning as well as those that can be done very quickly. Don't hold back!
Then take that list and place it somewhere it is easily accessible like a refrigerator or in the bathroom. Then it will work as a constant reminder as well as a guide.
Have you asked them? Have they told you?
Too often we assume what makes the other feel loved or important and too often we get it wrong. Why? Because we assume we know and yet all we really have to do is ask and we will never have confusion again.
What if you had a literal list of things your spouse told you make them feel loved and important? You could wake up in the morning and look at the list of things you could do and then do them. Boom! Guaranteed affection! No guess work involved. It's all right on the list they made. It's almost like having an instruction manual for your spouse on how to make them feel loved. Can you imagine how many disappointments and even arguments that would resolve?
Well stop imagining and start doing.
Here is a date night assignment for you:
Forget the movie. Go to a quiet place, even check into a hotel if you have to, and make lists with each other. Talk about exactly what it is that makes you feel loved.
Do you feel love when he takes out the garbage?
Do you feel love when she makes your favorite breakfast?
Do you feel love when he let's you sleep in?
Do you feel love when she lets you watch the entire game with out interruption?
Name both the big and little things. Those things that take planning as well as those that can be done very quickly. Don't hold back!
Then take that list and place it somewhere it is easily accessible like a refrigerator or in the bathroom. Then it will work as a constant reminder as well as a guide.
Tuesday, December 16, 2008
What's your family pecking order
In a recent study by the Edmonton Journal the number of divorces amongst older couples compared to their younger counterparts unfortunately is on the rise.
As a matter of fact between 1993 and 2003, the overall divorce rate fell by more than 11%, led by declines of over 40% among people in their 20’s and close to 30% among people in their 30’s. While divorce among couples in their 40’s rose slightly, the rate jumped 34% for those in the 50-54 age group. Among those aged 55-59, it reached a staggering peak of 47%. For those in their early 60s, the increase was less, but it still stood at 31.7%. Among seniors, it fell further to 9.2%.
I believe the high rate in the 50-59 age range is due to too many couples, in this case baby boomers, focusing their parenting on the needs and desires of the children needs over and above the needs of their spouse. Therefore once the children are out of the home, the husband and wife no longer know each other or have the burring desire towards one another they should have because they spend to much of their focus in the wrong area. Loving your children is obviously of great importance. However, the love between a husband and wife must be consistently nurtured and cared for, even beyond that of the children.
The Scripture say, "Let a man cling unto his wife and none other." It does not follow with, unless you want to make your children your best friend or you feel guilty for "whatever". Your husband or wife should always come first. Let your children know this. Tell them of the "Pecking order" when it comes to your affection. We have had that conversation many times in our home and the kids are grateful for it. They know that mom and dad are a united front and if push ever comes to shove we will choose each other as husband and wife over them. The more we not only tell them this, but show them by our example of love and affection towards one another in front of them, the stronger people and spouses they will be in their own marriage.
As a matter of fact between 1993 and 2003, the overall divorce rate fell by more than 11%, led by declines of over 40% among people in their 20’s and close to 30% among people in their 30’s. While divorce among couples in their 40’s rose slightly, the rate jumped 34% for those in the 50-54 age group. Among those aged 55-59, it reached a staggering peak of 47%. For those in their early 60s, the increase was less, but it still stood at 31.7%. Among seniors, it fell further to 9.2%.
I believe the high rate in the 50-59 age range is due to too many couples, in this case baby boomers, focusing their parenting on the needs and desires of the children needs over and above the needs of their spouse. Therefore once the children are out of the home, the husband and wife no longer know each other or have the burring desire towards one another they should have because they spend to much of their focus in the wrong area. Loving your children is obviously of great importance. However, the love between a husband and wife must be consistently nurtured and cared for, even beyond that of the children.
The Scripture say, "Let a man cling unto his wife and none other." It does not follow with, unless you want to make your children your best friend or you feel guilty for "whatever". Your husband or wife should always come first. Let your children know this. Tell them of the "Pecking order" when it comes to your affection. We have had that conversation many times in our home and the kids are grateful for it. They know that mom and dad are a united front and if push ever comes to shove we will choose each other as husband and wife over them. The more we not only tell them this, but show them by our example of love and affection towards one another in front of them, the stronger people and spouses they will be in their own marriage.
Monday, December 15, 2008
Act as if
I am the worlds greatest Husband and father. Why? Because I act as if I am.
For those of you who have been at my trainings before you have heard me use this phrase over and over again.
Acting as if is the fastest way to becoming something you want to be.
Do you want to become the worlds greatest husband or father? Then start doing what you think the worlds greatest husband and father would do and start doing it.
It's the same for anything; do you want to become a millionaire? Then you have to find out what millionaires do through the study of them in books like Think and Grow Rich by Napoleon Hill or The Secrets of the Millionaire Mind by T. Harv Eker and and start acting accordingly.
No matter what it is, if you truly start to act like whatever it is you want to become, you can not stop from eventually becoming that thing.
If you feel you are having a challenge in your relationship being what you really want to be, then start today by changing. If you need help, and you have already downloaded my 8 Systems audio as well as been a regular reader of the blog, email me and I will be happy to give some suggestions.
For those of you who have been at my trainings before you have heard me use this phrase over and over again.
Acting as if is the fastest way to becoming something you want to be.
Do you want to become the worlds greatest husband or father? Then start doing what you think the worlds greatest husband and father would do and start doing it.
It's the same for anything; do you want to become a millionaire? Then you have to find out what millionaires do through the study of them in books like Think and Grow Rich by Napoleon Hill or The Secrets of the Millionaire Mind by T. Harv Eker and and start acting accordingly.
No matter what it is, if you truly start to act like whatever it is you want to become, you can not stop from eventually becoming that thing.
If you feel you are having a challenge in your relationship being what you really want to be, then start today by changing. If you need help, and you have already downloaded my 8 Systems audio as well as been a regular reader of the blog, email me and I will be happy to give some suggestions.
Friday, December 12, 2008
Stuff it with a letter
It's an old and wise saying which tells us "the best gift is a gift from the heart". So this year why not give a little something extra of yourself in your spouses Christmas stocking this year. A letter of gratitude and love. Sure the shiny(jewelry) and smelly (cologne) things are nice but you will absolutely blow them away with a simple hand written, (or if your like me and need spell check even typed will do), letter from the heart.
Hopefully their joy in receiving this note will inspire you to do it more often throughout the year.
In a recent post Sheri and Bob Stritof from About.com gave some great tips about how to leave notes for your loved one.
Here are a few suggested topics:
Let them know why your love grew for them more this year.
How their help with a certain challenge was important to you.
List what you are truly thankful to them for.
What your goals are as a spouse this upcoming year.
What are the things they do that make you feel loved.
The best thing about this "stuffer" is it will never loose its shine or fragrance. Your spouse will be able to pull your note out whenever they want to and feel that sense of gratitude and love from you. It also has the possibility of being opened and read many years from now by your grown children, serving as a witness to their parents love for each other. Is there really any better gift than that?
Hopefully their joy in receiving this note will inspire you to do it more often throughout the year.
In a recent post Sheri and Bob Stritof from About.com gave some great tips about how to leave notes for your loved one.
Here are a few suggested topics:
Let them know why your love grew for them more this year.
How their help with a certain challenge was important to you.
List what you are truly thankful to them for.
What your goals are as a spouse this upcoming year.
What are the things they do that make you feel loved.
The best thing about this "stuffer" is it will never loose its shine or fragrance. Your spouse will be able to pull your note out whenever they want to and feel that sense of gratitude and love from you. It also has the possibility of being opened and read many years from now by your grown children, serving as a witness to their parents love for each other. Is there really any better gift than that?
Thursday, December 11, 2008
Couples see economy as a time to rethink things
Isn't it interesting how it takes a tragedy or a challenge in our life to make us rethink a few things. Turn on the news and just about every night there is a story about how bad the economy is and right behind it is a story about how you can, "Tighten your belt" or other tips on how to get through this tough time. Because of the economic struggle many are facing, there is a trend to get back to basics and re-think what is important or necessary in our lives. The quick rash decision making when it comes to money has given way to more planning and better money management. That same trend is showing itself in another area as well; divorce.
Recently the American Academy of Matrimonial Lawyers (AAML) conducted a survey and found that 37% of AAML members said they typically see a decrease in the number of divorce cases during national economic downturns, 19% experienced an increase.
Gary Nickelson, president of AAML says, "Many individuals tend to employ a wait-and-see strategy during a troubled marriage and are very well prepared when it comes time to file for divorce. A sudden drop in net worth can effectively postpone this final decision from being made."
So basically, because it doesn't make good financial sense right now, people are forced to re-think this devastating decision. It's a bit sad that money is the reason people are forced to do this, yet also a blessing in disguise for many who take the opportunity to find their desire for one another again.
Recently the American Academy of Matrimonial Lawyers (AAML) conducted a survey and found that 37% of AAML members said they typically see a decrease in the number of divorce cases during national economic downturns, 19% experienced an increase.
Gary Nickelson, president of AAML says, "Many individuals tend to employ a wait-and-see strategy during a troubled marriage and are very well prepared when it comes time to file for divorce. A sudden drop in net worth can effectively postpone this final decision from being made."
So basically, because it doesn't make good financial sense right now, people are forced to re-think this devastating decision. It's a bit sad that money is the reason people are forced to do this, yet also a blessing in disguise for many who take the opportunity to find their desire for one another again.
Wednesday, December 10, 2008
Dating or engaged evaluation
I have been asked by my non-married friends to create a questionnaire they can use so here goes. The first one was one I tweaked from the internet. This one I tweaked again. I hope it helps assess the strength and maturity of your relationship or pending nuptials. It is suggested that each of you complete it separately, then compare notes. Rate your relationship or expectation of what you want in your marriage on a scale from 1 (lowest) to 5 (highest) in each of the different categories. This will highlight areas for growth or in some cases reconsideration. It also highlights differences in perception about your combined strengths and weaknesses. Over all, I hope it starts a conversation around what you both expect out of your marriage.
Affection
Companionship/Friendship 1 2 3 4 5
Do you enjoy being together? Talking? Is the other your best friend? Do you like non-sexual touching i.e. holding hands? Cuddling on the couch? Kissing in public?
Communication
Understanding/Empathy 1 2 3 4 5
Do you know all about each other? Do you want to know them inside out? Do you want to be known in the same way? Absolutely honest? Nothing hidden? Are you open with thoughts, feelings, facts, sins, dreams? Are you both growing more aware of and sensitive to the other's feelings, concerns? How often do you talk? Deeply?
Encouragement/Esteem-Building 1 2 3 4 5
What does they believe about you? That you are a loser or that you are amazing and wonderful in every way? That they are settling for you due to age, time or other extenuation circumstances? How frequently do you compliment each other? How often do you say "I love you" or express appreciation for one another? Do you hurt each other with cutting or careless remarks? Sarcasm? Skepticism? Negativity? Indifference? Do they make you feel special? Competent? Beautiful? How frequently?
Intimacy 1 2 3 4 5
Does they express his/her affection often? Display affection in public? Does your spouse touch you enough? Too much? The way you like it? Do you plan on going to bed together? Get up together? Do you kiss each other often? When you greet one another?
Do you consider their needs/desires above your own? Do you ever make cutting remarks about the others body? Have you discussed how you will deal with the possibility of being attracted to another?
Sex 1 2 3 4 5
Do you believe sex is important? Are you waiting for sex till marriage? Do you enjoy making out with them? Do you feel comfortable having a discussion if you have a dream about someone else? Will that hurt their feelings? Have you discussed what you want your sex life to be like? Have you talked about what you are or are not willing to do? Do you consider their needs/desires above your own? Are they open to discussion if either of you feels denied sexually? Is either of you ashamed of the other seeing your body? Do you ever make cutting remarks about the others body?
Captivation 1 2 3 4 5
Are all of your amorous/sexual thoughts and energies focused on them alone? Are they growing stronger? Do they know how much you love him/her? Do you think often about the other? Do you love to look at and watch them? Have you created a plan on how you will help your love and affection continue to grow throughout the years?
Conflict Resolution 1 2 3 4 5
Do you resolve conflict easily? Quickly? Is there lingering bitterness? Do you lack of forgiveness? Do you have a record of wrongs? Do you respect each others opinions? Feelings? Do you avoid conflict or resolve it? Do you walk out on conflict? Do you find it easier to just give up? Do you find mutually beneficial solutions? Are you willing to sacrifice? Compromise? Is harmony more important to you than winning? Other than in addiction, affair or abuse, Is divorce an option?
Cooperation
Like-minded/God-centered 1 2 3 4 5
Do you believe the same spiritual matters? If you are Christian are you both Disciples of Christ? If you are not, do you study your religion together? Is your life focused on your beliefs? Both of you? Do you love what God loves? Hate what God hates? Are you confident your spouse shares your same values? Are you working toward the same goals? As a team? Together? Have you discussed how you will support each other in the “weak times” or times when you are questioning your faith?
Roles 1 2 3 4 5
Does each of you know and accept your God-given roles in marriage? Is he ready to lead? Is she ready to help? Have you noticed him abuse his role by dominating decisions or do you both have equal respect for one another? Do you help the other fill the role God has given them? Is he willing to work a fast food counter if necessary to support her? Is she willing to encourage him in his chosen profession?
Finances 1 2 3 4 5
Do you know how much debt each has? Do you respect the way they handle finances? Do they respect the way you handle finances? What do you both think about money? Is it a good thing? Do you want as much as you can get? How will you divide financial responsibilities? Do you know where each others strengths are? Do you both share the same financial goals?
Children 1 2 3 4 5
Are you sure you both want children? Do you have a clear idea of how many children you both want? Do you agree on whether, when, and how to start (or increase) your family? Are you unified in you efforts to raise, discipline, and teach your children? Have you discussed how you will discipline your children? Spanking? Yelling? If they have children from a previous relationship, how will your role as the one “stepping” be defined?
In-Laws 1 2 3 4 5
Do you both get along with each others parents? Other family members? Do you have specific boundaries about how much involvement their mother/ father can have on your marriage? Do you want to live by their family? Do they want to live by your family?
If you were to look at your pending marriage as a business partnership, you would want to know that your possible partner shared as much interest in growing and expanding your business as you do. You would not accept mediocrity from them just because you liked them or felt good about them. As a matter of face, Fortune 500 companies spend lots of money hiring head hunters and recruiters to find just the right person for the job. I hope this survey/ evaluation helps yo do the same.
Affection
Companionship/Friendship 1 2 3 4 5
Do you enjoy being together? Talking? Is the other your best friend? Do you like non-sexual touching i.e. holding hands? Cuddling on the couch? Kissing in public?
Communication
Understanding/Empathy 1 2 3 4 5
Do you know all about each other? Do you want to know them inside out? Do you want to be known in the same way? Absolutely honest? Nothing hidden? Are you open with thoughts, feelings, facts, sins, dreams? Are you both growing more aware of and sensitive to the other's feelings, concerns? How often do you talk? Deeply?
Encouragement/Esteem-Building 1 2 3 4 5
What does they believe about you? That you are a loser or that you are amazing and wonderful in every way? That they are settling for you due to age, time or other extenuation circumstances? How frequently do you compliment each other? How often do you say "I love you" or express appreciation for one another? Do you hurt each other with cutting or careless remarks? Sarcasm? Skepticism? Negativity? Indifference? Do they make you feel special? Competent? Beautiful? How frequently?
Intimacy 1 2 3 4 5
Does they express his/her affection often? Display affection in public? Does your spouse touch you enough? Too much? The way you like it? Do you plan on going to bed together? Get up together? Do you kiss each other often? When you greet one another?
Do you consider their needs/desires above your own? Do you ever make cutting remarks about the others body? Have you discussed how you will deal with the possibility of being attracted to another?
Sex 1 2 3 4 5
Do you believe sex is important? Are you waiting for sex till marriage? Do you enjoy making out with them? Do you feel comfortable having a discussion if you have a dream about someone else? Will that hurt their feelings? Have you discussed what you want your sex life to be like? Have you talked about what you are or are not willing to do? Do you consider their needs/desires above your own? Are they open to discussion if either of you feels denied sexually? Is either of you ashamed of the other seeing your body? Do you ever make cutting remarks about the others body?
Captivation 1 2 3 4 5
Are all of your amorous/sexual thoughts and energies focused on them alone? Are they growing stronger? Do they know how much you love him/her? Do you think often about the other? Do you love to look at and watch them? Have you created a plan on how you will help your love and affection continue to grow throughout the years?
Conflict Resolution 1 2 3 4 5
Do you resolve conflict easily? Quickly? Is there lingering bitterness? Do you lack of forgiveness? Do you have a record of wrongs? Do you respect each others opinions? Feelings? Do you avoid conflict or resolve it? Do you walk out on conflict? Do you find it easier to just give up? Do you find mutually beneficial solutions? Are you willing to sacrifice? Compromise? Is harmony more important to you than winning? Other than in addiction, affair or abuse, Is divorce an option?
Cooperation
Like-minded/God-centered 1 2 3 4 5
Do you believe the same spiritual matters? If you are Christian are you both Disciples of Christ? If you are not, do you study your religion together? Is your life focused on your beliefs? Both of you? Do you love what God loves? Hate what God hates? Are you confident your spouse shares your same values? Are you working toward the same goals? As a team? Together? Have you discussed how you will support each other in the “weak times” or times when you are questioning your faith?
Roles 1 2 3 4 5
Does each of you know and accept your God-given roles in marriage? Is he ready to lead? Is she ready to help? Have you noticed him abuse his role by dominating decisions or do you both have equal respect for one another? Do you help the other fill the role God has given them? Is he willing to work a fast food counter if necessary to support her? Is she willing to encourage him in his chosen profession?
Finances 1 2 3 4 5
Do you know how much debt each has? Do you respect the way they handle finances? Do they respect the way you handle finances? What do you both think about money? Is it a good thing? Do you want as much as you can get? How will you divide financial responsibilities? Do you know where each others strengths are? Do you both share the same financial goals?
Children 1 2 3 4 5
Are you sure you both want children? Do you have a clear idea of how many children you both want? Do you agree on whether, when, and how to start (or increase) your family? Are you unified in you efforts to raise, discipline, and teach your children? Have you discussed how you will discipline your children? Spanking? Yelling? If they have children from a previous relationship, how will your role as the one “stepping” be defined?
In-Laws 1 2 3 4 5
Do you both get along with each others parents? Other family members? Do you have specific boundaries about how much involvement their mother/ father can have on your marriage? Do you want to live by their family? Do they want to live by your family?
If you were to look at your pending marriage as a business partnership, you would want to know that your possible partner shared as much interest in growing and expanding your business as you do. You would not accept mediocrity from them just because you liked them or felt good about them. As a matter of face, Fortune 500 companies spend lots of money hiring head hunters and recruiters to find just the right person for the job. I hope this survey/ evaluation helps yo do the same.
Tuesday, December 9, 2008
It's that time of year!
During this Christmas season try to focus on giving daily gifts to one another. Not gifts you buy, rather gifts from the heart. Why not do a twelve days of Christmas of your own and become the "true love" spoken of in the traditional song.
Here are a few suggestions, please feel free to make up your own.
On the first day of Christmas my True Love gave to me...
1. Big Wet Kiss (In front of kids if applicable)
2. Light taps (or squeezes) on the bum.
3. Blooming roses
4. "Just because" calls in the middle of the day.
5. Have spontaneous "alone time"
6. Open her car door. Greet him at the door.
7. Slow dancing in the kitchen.
8. Let her hold the remote. Let him flip through the channels.
9. Good morning greeting with a kiss.
10. Sincere complement.
11. Take a walk together.
12. Gratitude notes.
If you were to follow the song, including the repeats, by the end of twelve days you would have:
12 Big wet kisses.
22 Squeezes on the bum.
30 Roses
36 Calls
40 Spontaneous "Alone Time's"
42 Opening or greeting
42 Slow dances
40 Remote controls
36 "Good Mornings"
30 Complements
22 Walks
12 Notes
When you tally up the numbers, you could choose to think some of those tasks, and the required frequency are overwhelming or unrealistic. Remember the old saying, whether you believe you can or believe you can't, you are right. For Christians, this is the time of year we celebrate the birth of our Savior who sacrifices his life for all of the world. Isn't your marriage worth a little bit of extra effort this Christmas season?
When you do this exercise, I promise your entire month will change and your relationship will end the year and start the new one on a great note.
Here are a few suggestions, please feel free to make up your own.
On the first day of Christmas my True Love gave to me...
1. Big Wet Kiss (In front of kids if applicable)
2. Light taps (or squeezes) on the bum.
3. Blooming roses
4. "Just because" calls in the middle of the day.
5. Have spontaneous "alone time"
6. Open her car door. Greet him at the door.
7. Slow dancing in the kitchen.
8. Let her hold the remote. Let him flip through the channels.
9. Good morning greeting with a kiss.
10. Sincere complement.
11. Take a walk together.
12. Gratitude notes.
If you were to follow the song, including the repeats, by the end of twelve days you would have:
12 Big wet kisses.
22 Squeezes on the bum.
30 Roses
36 Calls
40 Spontaneous "Alone Time's"
42 Opening or greeting
42 Slow dances
40 Remote controls
36 "Good Mornings"
30 Complements
22 Walks
12 Notes
When you tally up the numbers, you could choose to think some of those tasks, and the required frequency are overwhelming or unrealistic. Remember the old saying, whether you believe you can or believe you can't, you are right. For Christians, this is the time of year we celebrate the birth of our Savior who sacrifices his life for all of the world. Isn't your marriage worth a little bit of extra effort this Christmas season?
When you do this exercise, I promise your entire month will change and your relationship will end the year and start the new one on a great note.
Saturday, December 6, 2008
Evaluating Your Marriage
This is a questionnaire which may be used to assess the strength and maturity of your marriage. It is suggested that each spouse complete it separately, then compare notes. Rate your marriage on a scale from 1 (lowest) to 5 (highest) in each of the different categories. This will highlight areas for growth. It also highlights differences in perception about your combined strengths and weaknesses.
Affection
Companionship/Friendship 1 2 3 4 5
Do you enjoy being together? Talking? Is your spouse your best friend?
Intimacy/Sex 1 2 3 4 5
Does your spouse express his/her affection often? Display affection in public? Does your spouse touch you enough? Too much? The way you like it? Do you go to bed together? Get up together? Kiss each other often? When you greet one another? How is you sex life? Do you consider your spouses' needs/desires above your own? Does either feel denied sexually? Is your lovemaking frequent and varied? Do you both regularly achieve fulfillment? Are either of you ashamed of the other seeing your body? Do you ever make cutting remarks about the others body?
Captivation 1 2 3 4 5
Are all of your amorous/sexual thoughts and energies focused on your spouse alone? Are they growing stronger? Does your spouse know how much you love him/her? Do you think often about you spouse? Do you love to look at and watch your spouse?
Communication
Understanding/Empathy 1 2 3 4 5
Do you know all about each other? Do you want to know your spouse inside out? Do you want to be known in the same way? Absolutely honest? Nothing hidden? Are you open with thoughts, feelings, facts, sins, dreams? Are you both growing more aware of and sensitive to the other's feelings, concerns? How often do you talk? Deeply?
Encouragement/Esteem-Building 1 2 3 4 5
What does your spouse believe about you? That you are a loser or that you are amazing and wonderful in every way? How frequently do you compliment each other? How often do you say "I love you" or express appreciation for one another? Do you hurt each other with cutting or careless remarks? Sarcasm? Skepticism? Negativity? Indifference? Does your spouse make you feel special? Competent? Beautiful? How frequently?
Conflict Resolution 1 2 3 4 5
Do you resolve conflict easily? Quickly? Is there lingering bitterness? DO you lack of forgiveness? Do you have a record of wrongs? Do you respect each others opinions? Feelings? Do you avoid conflict or resolve it? Do you walk out on conflict? Do you find it easier to just give up? Do you find mutually beneficial solutions? are you willing to sacrifice? Compromise? Is harmony more important to you than winning?
Cooperation
Like-minded/God-centered 1 2 3 4 5
Do you believe the same spiritual matters? If you are Christian are you both disciples of Christ? If you are not, do you study your religion together? Is your life focused on your beliefs? Both of you? Do you love what God loves? Hate what God hates? Are you confident your spouse shares your same values? Are you working toward the same goals? As a team? Together?
Roles 1 2 3 4 5
Does each of you know and accept your God-given roles in marriage? Does the husband lead? Does the wife help? Does he abuse his role by dominating or do you both have equal respect for one another? Do you help the other fill the role God has given them?
Finances 1 2 3 4 5
Does your spouse respect the way you handle finances? Is the division of financial responsibilities working well? Should it be changed? Do you both share the same financial goals?
Children 1 2 3 4 5
Do you agree on whether, when, and how to start (or increase) your family? Are you unified in you efforts to raise, discipline, and teach your children?
Affection
Companionship/Friendship 1 2 3 4 5
Do you enjoy being together? Talking? Is your spouse your best friend?
Intimacy/Sex 1 2 3 4 5
Does your spouse express his/her affection often? Display affection in public? Does your spouse touch you enough? Too much? The way you like it? Do you go to bed together? Get up together? Kiss each other often? When you greet one another? How is you sex life? Do you consider your spouses' needs/desires above your own? Does either feel denied sexually? Is your lovemaking frequent and varied? Do you both regularly achieve fulfillment? Are either of you ashamed of the other seeing your body? Do you ever make cutting remarks about the others body?
Captivation 1 2 3 4 5
Are all of your amorous/sexual thoughts and energies focused on your spouse alone? Are they growing stronger? Does your spouse know how much you love him/her? Do you think often about you spouse? Do you love to look at and watch your spouse?
Communication
Understanding/Empathy 1 2 3 4 5
Do you know all about each other? Do you want to know your spouse inside out? Do you want to be known in the same way? Absolutely honest? Nothing hidden? Are you open with thoughts, feelings, facts, sins, dreams? Are you both growing more aware of and sensitive to the other's feelings, concerns? How often do you talk? Deeply?
Encouragement/Esteem-Building 1 2 3 4 5
What does your spouse believe about you? That you are a loser or that you are amazing and wonderful in every way? How frequently do you compliment each other? How often do you say "I love you" or express appreciation for one another? Do you hurt each other with cutting or careless remarks? Sarcasm? Skepticism? Negativity? Indifference? Does your spouse make you feel special? Competent? Beautiful? How frequently?
Conflict Resolution 1 2 3 4 5
Do you resolve conflict easily? Quickly? Is there lingering bitterness? DO you lack of forgiveness? Do you have a record of wrongs? Do you respect each others opinions? Feelings? Do you avoid conflict or resolve it? Do you walk out on conflict? Do you find it easier to just give up? Do you find mutually beneficial solutions? are you willing to sacrifice? Compromise? Is harmony more important to you than winning?
Cooperation
Like-minded/God-centered 1 2 3 4 5
Do you believe the same spiritual matters? If you are Christian are you both disciples of Christ? If you are not, do you study your religion together? Is your life focused on your beliefs? Both of you? Do you love what God loves? Hate what God hates? Are you confident your spouse shares your same values? Are you working toward the same goals? As a team? Together?
Roles 1 2 3 4 5
Does each of you know and accept your God-given roles in marriage? Does the husband lead? Does the wife help? Does he abuse his role by dominating or do you both have equal respect for one another? Do you help the other fill the role God has given them?
Finances 1 2 3 4 5
Does your spouse respect the way you handle finances? Is the division of financial responsibilities working well? Should it be changed? Do you both share the same financial goals?
Children 1 2 3 4 5
Do you agree on whether, when, and how to start (or increase) your family? Are you unified in you efforts to raise, discipline, and teach your children?
Monday, November 24, 2008
"Thanks" giving
Yes it's a bit cheesy since it is this time of year. However, I would encourage all of you to take the time on a monthly basis to tell your spouse how grateful you are to them for the little and big things. If we were all a bit more grateful to each other, in word and deed, our homes would be a much more peaceful environment.
Nothing brings peace and harmony into a home more than gratitude for one another.
You'd be surprised how an expression of thanks for even the little things. Changing the light bulb, taking out the trash, folding the laundry, doing the dishes, changing a diaper, it doesn't need to be a big deal. It shouldn't be a big deal.
Write a letter of gratitude this Thursday to all the people that matter in your life. Think of what an awesome memento it will be for your kids and spouse to have a letter from their parents of that nature.
Nothing brings peace and harmony into a home more than gratitude for one another.
You'd be surprised how an expression of thanks for even the little things. Changing the light bulb, taking out the trash, folding the laundry, doing the dishes, changing a diaper, it doesn't need to be a big deal. It shouldn't be a big deal.
Write a letter of gratitude this Thursday to all the people that matter in your life. Think of what an awesome memento it will be for your kids and spouse to have a letter from their parents of that nature.
Wednesday, November 12, 2008
Choose your battles!
The gay rights movement has compared their plight of supposed inequality to the plight of discrimination and injustice with the black community in this country. They have for all intense and purposes, hijacked the power and message of the civil rights movement led by Dr. Martin Luther King to say they are experiencing the same horrifying discrimination. They have staked a claim that the wrong which is being put upon them of not being able to change the definition of marriage is equal to the violence and atrocities experienced by the black community.
That is why they lost their bid against California’s Proposition 8. Not because of the less than 1% of the voting population made up by the Mormon community in California.
How selfish and pompous it is to say the homosexual cause is equal to the cruel, hateful and murderous acts against the Black community endured for hundreds of years in this country.
When was the last time the gay community was not allowed to eat at a restaurant or forced to sit in the back of the bus or give up their seat for a straight person?
What’s the name of any gay community leader who was killed because they were too loud about their cause or when have they had the equivalent of burning crosses placed in their lawns and run out of neighborhoods or communities?
When was the last time there was an organized effort to beat or lynch a gay person for being gay?
When was the last time a gay person was not allowed to vote?
It is not only outrageous to compare the passage of Proposition 8 to the atrocities put upon the black community, it shows the lack of respect and humility the gay community has for any other right or cause except their own. It also shows a willingness to exploit a culturally sensitive subject for their own cause.
Only this time, it back fired. Instead of gaining sympathy from the black community they claim to understand and have a connection through discrimination with, it was largely due to the black community vote Proposition 8 was passed.
Then why is it that the Mormon Church is receiving the viciously hate filled and intolerant protests against them and not the black community? Why does the gay community feel justified in their vicious attacks toward the Mormon Church while not one single word of protest has been initiated toward the black community? Or the Hispanic community? Or the many other organizations and ethnic groups that showed a larger majority than the Mormon Church in the vote to pass Prop 8?
Protesting homosexuals will tell you it is because The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints donated almost half of the money to the “Vote Yes” campaign. The reality is that the church itself did not donate any money to the campaign. Members of the church, otherwise known as citizens of the United States of America, used their constitutional right to donate the money to the campaign. Citizens who happen to be members of the Mormon Church used the exact same ability as celebrities like Brad Pitt and Ellen Degeneres did in donating money to the cause they believed in. (Interestingly enough had Prop 8 not passed, you would not see any protest going on in front of their homes).
The real reason the gay community is telling the Mormon Church, in essence, to “sit down and shut up” when it comes to voting on how you want, is because they are the easiest group to attack. The gay community knows that they can attack a church that is looked at as an outsider by the majority of the community, both secular and fellow Christian alike, and they face little if any opposition for doing so, even from the same communities who agreed with Prop 8. In essence The LDS Church is an easy target with no real objections from the rest of the religious communities. The gay activists organizing these angry demonstrations realize that the majority of the citizens in this country don’t understand the Mormon Church other than rumor or half-truths, so the concern of groups like the African-American communities, Hispanic or even other religions stepping in to defend them will be small and ineffective, if any at all.
The irony here is more than the gay community claiming to understand the same discrimination felt by the black community, it is the Mormon community who has actually felt the very same sting of inequality.
Theirs is a community that has experienced a history of violence and atrocities towards them not because of the color of their skin but because of what they believe. The Mormons know what it is like to be run out of not just communities but entire states with the threat of their very lives if they didn’t leave. Their ancestors have been beaten and killed by community organized groups. Their leaders have been murdered without a single inquiry from the government into whom the killers were. They have had a state sponsored extermination order placed upon them that was only lifted from the law books within the last 30 years. They even have a very special understanding on being persecuted for wanting to practice marriage in a manner they felt was from God. The difference being, because they actually believe in abiding by the laws of the land, they halted the practice when the government “of the people by the people” made their voice heard. Instead of targeting specific groups and crying “discrimination”, they had faith that in doing so they would eventually gain understanding and respect in their beliefs from the rest of the country. Something the gay community might want to take note of.
Although there have definitely been isolated incidence of hatred, violence and even murder towards some in the gay community, it is the Mormon Church and its members who can empathize with the plight of the civil rights movement. However, because the citizens of this country who happen to be members of the Mormon church decided to use their right to vote, both with their pocketbooks and their ballot, the gay community feels it is within their rights to use hatred, lies, anger and even violence toward a community who cast less than one percent of the deciding vote. In essence it is the gay community telling the LDS community the democracy and equality they are claiming to fight for only applies to anyone who agrees with them. How is that equality? In reality their actions are the very essence of discrimination.
In closing, the desire to be called “Married” by the gay community is understandable. It is a wonderful and sacred obligation. Most people, who are against changing the definition of marriage that has been sacred throughout thousands of years and thousands of civilizations, can truly empathize with a desire for this union. Because they don’t agree with it doesn’t mean anything other than they don’t agree with it. Twice now it has been given to a vote in California and other states and twice now it has been overwhelmingly voted down. That will definitely not stop the desire. It should be a wake up call to the gay community that claiming to have an equal footing with the discrimination felt by the black community is not a fair and accurate representation of your cause. The way you are going about making change in your cause through, force, anger, violence and focused hatred is not gaining you any more true supporters. As a matter of fact just as it is best to turn away and not give attention to a toddler who’s throwing a tantrum for not getting their way, you will find people are turning away from your cause because of your tantrum.
Dr. King and all those who fought for civil rights did it in a civil manner. They did not use hatred, anger or violence. They did not protest against any one group or religion. Most importantly, they did not justify their cause by exploiting or tearing down other beliefs or trying to take away the rights of others. The passing of Proposition 8 in California with a large majority of the votes cast by the same ancestors and survivors of the civil rights movement you claim to have a kinship with should be a message to you that their sacred cause is not now, nor will ever be yours for the exploiting. No matter how much you try to hijack it, yours is not equal to theirs.
That is why they lost their bid against California’s Proposition 8. Not because of the less than 1% of the voting population made up by the Mormon community in California.
How selfish and pompous it is to say the homosexual cause is equal to the cruel, hateful and murderous acts against the Black community endured for hundreds of years in this country.
When was the last time the gay community was not allowed to eat at a restaurant or forced to sit in the back of the bus or give up their seat for a straight person?
What’s the name of any gay community leader who was killed because they were too loud about their cause or when have they had the equivalent of burning crosses placed in their lawns and run out of neighborhoods or communities?
When was the last time there was an organized effort to beat or lynch a gay person for being gay?
When was the last time a gay person was not allowed to vote?
It is not only outrageous to compare the passage of Proposition 8 to the atrocities put upon the black community, it shows the lack of respect and humility the gay community has for any other right or cause except their own. It also shows a willingness to exploit a culturally sensitive subject for their own cause.
Only this time, it back fired. Instead of gaining sympathy from the black community they claim to understand and have a connection through discrimination with, it was largely due to the black community vote Proposition 8 was passed.
Then why is it that the Mormon Church is receiving the viciously hate filled and intolerant protests against them and not the black community? Why does the gay community feel justified in their vicious attacks toward the Mormon Church while not one single word of protest has been initiated toward the black community? Or the Hispanic community? Or the many other organizations and ethnic groups that showed a larger majority than the Mormon Church in the vote to pass Prop 8?
Protesting homosexuals will tell you it is because The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints donated almost half of the money to the “Vote Yes” campaign. The reality is that the church itself did not donate any money to the campaign. Members of the church, otherwise known as citizens of the United States of America, used their constitutional right to donate the money to the campaign. Citizens who happen to be members of the Mormon Church used the exact same ability as celebrities like Brad Pitt and Ellen Degeneres did in donating money to the cause they believed in. (Interestingly enough had Prop 8 not passed, you would not see any protest going on in front of their homes).
The real reason the gay community is telling the Mormon Church, in essence, to “sit down and shut up” when it comes to voting on how you want, is because they are the easiest group to attack. The gay community knows that they can attack a church that is looked at as an outsider by the majority of the community, both secular and fellow Christian alike, and they face little if any opposition for doing so, even from the same communities who agreed with Prop 8. In essence The LDS Church is an easy target with no real objections from the rest of the religious communities. The gay activists organizing these angry demonstrations realize that the majority of the citizens in this country don’t understand the Mormon Church other than rumor or half-truths, so the concern of groups like the African-American communities, Hispanic or even other religions stepping in to defend them will be small and ineffective, if any at all.
The irony here is more than the gay community claiming to understand the same discrimination felt by the black community, it is the Mormon community who has actually felt the very same sting of inequality.
Theirs is a community that has experienced a history of violence and atrocities towards them not because of the color of their skin but because of what they believe. The Mormons know what it is like to be run out of not just communities but entire states with the threat of their very lives if they didn’t leave. Their ancestors have been beaten and killed by community organized groups. Their leaders have been murdered without a single inquiry from the government into whom the killers were. They have had a state sponsored extermination order placed upon them that was only lifted from the law books within the last 30 years. They even have a very special understanding on being persecuted for wanting to practice marriage in a manner they felt was from God. The difference being, because they actually believe in abiding by the laws of the land, they halted the practice when the government “of the people by the people” made their voice heard. Instead of targeting specific groups and crying “discrimination”, they had faith that in doing so they would eventually gain understanding and respect in their beliefs from the rest of the country. Something the gay community might want to take note of.
Although there have definitely been isolated incidence of hatred, violence and even murder towards some in the gay community, it is the Mormon Church and its members who can empathize with the plight of the civil rights movement. However, because the citizens of this country who happen to be members of the Mormon church decided to use their right to vote, both with their pocketbooks and their ballot, the gay community feels it is within their rights to use hatred, lies, anger and even violence toward a community who cast less than one percent of the deciding vote. In essence it is the gay community telling the LDS community the democracy and equality they are claiming to fight for only applies to anyone who agrees with them. How is that equality? In reality their actions are the very essence of discrimination.
In closing, the desire to be called “Married” by the gay community is understandable. It is a wonderful and sacred obligation. Most people, who are against changing the definition of marriage that has been sacred throughout thousands of years and thousands of civilizations, can truly empathize with a desire for this union. Because they don’t agree with it doesn’t mean anything other than they don’t agree with it. Twice now it has been given to a vote in California and other states and twice now it has been overwhelmingly voted down. That will definitely not stop the desire. It should be a wake up call to the gay community that claiming to have an equal footing with the discrimination felt by the black community is not a fair and accurate representation of your cause. The way you are going about making change in your cause through, force, anger, violence and focused hatred is not gaining you any more true supporters. As a matter of fact just as it is best to turn away and not give attention to a toddler who’s throwing a tantrum for not getting their way, you will find people are turning away from your cause because of your tantrum.
Dr. King and all those who fought for civil rights did it in a civil manner. They did not use hatred, anger or violence. They did not protest against any one group or religion. Most importantly, they did not justify their cause by exploiting or tearing down other beliefs or trying to take away the rights of others. The passing of Proposition 8 in California with a large majority of the votes cast by the same ancestors and survivors of the civil rights movement you claim to have a kinship with should be a message to you that their sacred cause is not now, nor will ever be yours for the exploiting. No matter how much you try to hijack it, yours is not equal to theirs.
Tuesday, October 21, 2008
Marriage is the foundation of all free societies!
My best man at my wedding came out a few years later. I still love him as a brother. Just because i don't believe in a certain way of life doesn't mean I have a phobia of anything, it just means I don't agree. I don't agree with people who do drugs, smoke, have affairs, divorce out of convenience or where "goddy" fake gold necklaces with their shirts halfway unbuttoned, it doesn't mean I am afraid or fear them. I just don't agree with them.
I personally feel this video does a great job of how my rights are in more danger than anyone elses if this proposition does not pass.
Besides, for everyone out there who cries that every vote should count. I already voted on this a few years ago, along with millions of other Californians and it did pass. Overwhelmingly. Why does my vote no longer count? Who is crying out for my vote and voice to continue to be heard? Why is the ACLU not standing up for my rights, my voice, my vote?
I personally feel this video does a great job of how my rights are in more danger than anyone elses if this proposition does not pass.
Besides, for everyone out there who cries that every vote should count. I already voted on this a few years ago, along with millions of other Californians and it did pass. Overwhelmingly. Why does my vote no longer count? Who is crying out for my vote and voice to continue to be heard? Why is the ACLU not standing up for my rights, my voice, my vote?
Thursday, September 25, 2008
Millionaire Mind event
Hey all-
I know it's been forever since my last posting. I have been a little busy with the Millionaire Mind evening here in Salt Lake. It finally happened on the 23rd and it was great.
We had about 850 people register and 700 show up. That's a great showing! With over 500 of those being Free people, that's not bad at all.
Everyone really enjoyed themselves. They were thrilled when the announcement of the three day was given. November 13-15 is the date. We had just under 100 people sign up for the VIP package and I was just told by Peak's that the MMI event is 3/4 of the way full already.
What a night.
Harv was really happy with the showing and the energy.
I am so busy right now that I can't write much.
I am busy writing the book and getting the two day event ready. It is going to be a blast.
Dino
I know it's been forever since my last posting. I have been a little busy with the Millionaire Mind evening here in Salt Lake. It finally happened on the 23rd and it was great.
We had about 850 people register and 700 show up. That's a great showing! With over 500 of those being Free people, that's not bad at all.
Everyone really enjoyed themselves. They were thrilled when the announcement of the three day was given. November 13-15 is the date. We had just under 100 people sign up for the VIP package and I was just told by Peak's that the MMI event is 3/4 of the way full already.
What a night.
Harv was really happy with the showing and the energy.
I am so busy right now that I can't write much.
I am busy writing the book and getting the two day event ready. It is going to be a blast.
Dino
Monday, August 11, 2008
Parental Warning
Last week I had a bit of a scare. I got a call from my mom that my dad, whom she has been divorced from since I was 8, had been rushed to the hospital for suspicion of a heart attack.
My dad is 59 years old. Never had any major medical challenges and other than needing to shed about 30 pounds, in fairly good health.
The good news is that he is just fine and the doctors think it was just a stress attack.
For me it was a bit of a moment because I have never really thought of my dad's death. Not in a real way anyway. My mom has had some medical issues so I have contemplated her passing away before but never my dad. So it really hit me.
My dad and I have not had the smoothest of relationships. After he and my mom divorced I really felt that he would rather move on with his life and his new family and that myself and my siblings we just a constatnt reminder of the burden he had to pay child support to every month. There was even a time where I did not visit him or talk to him in my teen age years. Eventually we started a basic relationship again. One where we would share pleasantries and a few disscussions but nothing really deep. Then when Shannon and I started to have children I saw him become this really great grandfather. I actually got a bit jelous of the way he acted and treated my kids. He was so good, caring and loving to them that I wondered why he wasn't that way towards me as a kid. After a few discussions with Shannon, I realized that my dad never learned how to be a dad. His father died when he was 16 years old and wasn't that close of a guy when he was alive. So how was my dad supposed to know how to or how not to act? It was a bit of a break through for me.
The biggest breakthrough came during a seminar I attended called Landmark Forum. I was able to really release my dad from the Story I had created in my head about him and why he did the things he did and why I react to him the way I did. It was really liberating. I actually called him and talked to him about it. I have never been in a situation where my dad and I had a real conversation. Where the two of us were telling the other how much we love each other through the tears we were shedding. It was quite a event for us.
The point is this. After receiving the call about him being rushed to the hospital I shed more tears. This time out of concern for his health and for the potential loss of him in my life. I did not, however, worry about the things not said that so many people worry about. I really felt great that I was able to talk with him and release the feelings I had. That y dad and I now have a relationship, a real relationship, where I can talk with him and laugh with him with no guard up whatsoever. Knowing that if he did pass away tomorrow, I would be at peace with what has been said between us.
If you have an issue with one or both of your parents it's time to clear that up. In other words, let it go. There is an old saying when it comes to holding on to resentment and anger, "It's like drinking poison and waiting for the other person to die." It's costing you more than it's worth. NO MATTER WHAT THE SITUATION, when you let "the story" go it frees you to become whatever you want and allows you to get on with your life.
My dad is 59 years old. Never had any major medical challenges and other than needing to shed about 30 pounds, in fairly good health.
The good news is that he is just fine and the doctors think it was just a stress attack.
For me it was a bit of a moment because I have never really thought of my dad's death. Not in a real way anyway. My mom has had some medical issues so I have contemplated her passing away before but never my dad. So it really hit me.
My dad and I have not had the smoothest of relationships. After he and my mom divorced I really felt that he would rather move on with his life and his new family and that myself and my siblings we just a constatnt reminder of the burden he had to pay child support to every month. There was even a time where I did not visit him or talk to him in my teen age years. Eventually we started a basic relationship again. One where we would share pleasantries and a few disscussions but nothing really deep. Then when Shannon and I started to have children I saw him become this really great grandfather. I actually got a bit jelous of the way he acted and treated my kids. He was so good, caring and loving to them that I wondered why he wasn't that way towards me as a kid. After a few discussions with Shannon, I realized that my dad never learned how to be a dad. His father died when he was 16 years old and wasn't that close of a guy when he was alive. So how was my dad supposed to know how to or how not to act? It was a bit of a break through for me.
The biggest breakthrough came during a seminar I attended called Landmark Forum. I was able to really release my dad from the Story I had created in my head about him and why he did the things he did and why I react to him the way I did. It was really liberating. I actually called him and talked to him about it. I have never been in a situation where my dad and I had a real conversation. Where the two of us were telling the other how much we love each other through the tears we were shedding. It was quite a event for us.
The point is this. After receiving the call about him being rushed to the hospital I shed more tears. This time out of concern for his health and for the potential loss of him in my life. I did not, however, worry about the things not said that so many people worry about. I really felt great that I was able to talk with him and release the feelings I had. That y dad and I now have a relationship, a real relationship, where I can talk with him and laugh with him with no guard up whatsoever. Knowing that if he did pass away tomorrow, I would be at peace with what has been said between us.
If you have an issue with one or both of your parents it's time to clear that up. In other words, let it go. There is an old saying when it comes to holding on to resentment and anger, "It's like drinking poison and waiting for the other person to die." It's costing you more than it's worth. NO MATTER WHAT THE SITUATION, when you let "the story" go it frees you to become whatever you want and allows you to get on with your life.
Monday, August 4, 2008
Good night
A routine that is so vital to kids is the evening routine. So many parents just send their kids up to bed without a closing of the day. Don't we all want a happy ending? If it's a movie, television show or a book and good ending is appreciated. It's the same with kids and the end of their day.
Since our kids were little we have always had a routine to get them in bed. And we always made it an earlier than later bed time.
We start with a family prayer. (If you are not religious, then just a things we are grateful for today sharing time will work). Then all the kids separate to their rooms and wait for us to come in. Then we ask the question- "What were you're highs and lows for the day?" They then name one or two things that they felt were good about their day and then one or two things that were not so good. This allows them a quick review of their day with us and also allows them to express any concerns with their siblings or friends, sorrow for bad behavior or things they want to work on for the next day.
Then we ask what they want to dream about tonight. Now the night is in there hands. We noticed early on that this alone helped cut down on the nightmares children often have because they go to sleep now thinking of this dream.
Then we have a series of quick answer questions.
We ask /They answer
"Who do we love?" /"Me"
"A little or a lot?" / "A lot"
"For today or forever"/ "Forever"
"Who's the luckiest mom and dad in the world?" / "You are."
"Why?" / "Because you have such great kids."
"Who are..."/ "Going to grow up and do great things in the world."
"Like..." /They say what ever they want.
"Good night, sleep tight." / "Don't let the bed bugs bite."
We do this with each child individually. It takes about two minutes each but it is something we all look forward to. It helps them settle down, relax, have some alone time with us and most importantly ends their day on a great note.
If I'm out of town on work I can still call in and do it and it's lite a hug over the phone.
The last thing we do before we shut doors is we sing a little song. It's a bit cheesy but it is really cute. The song we sing is a prayer. I actually stole it from one of my childhood favorite shows, The Donny and Marie show. It's their ending song, which works as a prayer as well.
"May tomorrow be a perfect day, may you find love and laughter along the way. May God keep you in his tender care, until we're together again. Good night everybody."
Then the doors shut and everyone is down for the night.
Just like in most things kids like routines. It makes thing normal and reliable. This is just one of the systems we have in place for them.
What are some of the systems you have in your family?
Since our kids were little we have always had a routine to get them in bed. And we always made it an earlier than later bed time.
We start with a family prayer. (If you are not religious, then just a things we are grateful for today sharing time will work). Then all the kids separate to their rooms and wait for us to come in. Then we ask the question- "What were you're highs and lows for the day?" They then name one or two things that they felt were good about their day and then one or two things that were not so good. This allows them a quick review of their day with us and also allows them to express any concerns with their siblings or friends, sorrow for bad behavior or things they want to work on for the next day.
Then we ask what they want to dream about tonight. Now the night is in there hands. We noticed early on that this alone helped cut down on the nightmares children often have because they go to sleep now thinking of this dream.
Then we have a series of quick answer questions.
We ask /They answer
"Who do we love?" /"Me"
"A little or a lot?" / "A lot"
"For today or forever"/ "Forever"
"Who's the luckiest mom and dad in the world?" / "You are."
"Why?" / "Because you have such great kids."
"Who are..."/ "Going to grow up and do great things in the world."
"Like..." /They say what ever they want.
"Good night, sleep tight." / "Don't let the bed bugs bite."
We do this with each child individually. It takes about two minutes each but it is something we all look forward to. It helps them settle down, relax, have some alone time with us and most importantly ends their day on a great note.
If I'm out of town on work I can still call in and do it and it's lite a hug over the phone.
The last thing we do before we shut doors is we sing a little song. It's a bit cheesy but it is really cute. The song we sing is a prayer. I actually stole it from one of my childhood favorite shows, The Donny and Marie show. It's their ending song, which works as a prayer as well.
"May tomorrow be a perfect day, may you find love and laughter along the way. May God keep you in his tender care, until we're together again. Good night everybody."
Then the doors shut and everyone is down for the night.
Just like in most things kids like routines. It makes thing normal and reliable. This is just one of the systems we have in place for them.
What are some of the systems you have in your family?
Wednesday, July 30, 2008
Flowers and Formal
One of my favorite systems Shannon and I use is what we call our Flowers/Formal system.
Let me explain:
Shannon loves the look of fresh flowers in the house. What woman doesn't right? To be honest, I like it too. Fresh flowers look good, they smell great, there's just not a lot of negatives you can say about fresh flowers. To Shannon it is a constant reminder of my love for her and that I did something, thinking of her on one day, but the sentiment lasts for over a week. If I happen to add one or two pieces of See's candy along with it, well that's just double the points for me. For most people it is not feasible to have fresh flowers every day or every week for that matter. However I have never been a fan of the idea that the only time to get her flowers is on some made up holiday or birthday. Once a month is a good target.
I, like a lot of men, enjoy more physical ways of demonstrating romance. However, there's basic normal romance, what we call "fast food" romance and there is "gourmet dinner" romance. Let's face it, due to time and life circumstance, most marriages have a lot more "fast food" than "gourmet "meals. Most men understand this, we would, however, like having a "gourmet meal" more often than every three months or so. Having our wifes, look (hair and make up done), smell (perfume) and feel (shaved legs and lingerie) like the fresh flowers once a month would be nice.
Therefore Shannon and I put a simple and effective system in place. Once a month Shannon is guaranteed to get a nice bouquet of flowers delivered to her. That is her reminder to put fourth her best effort one evening of her choice. It doesn't mean it is going to happen the night she get' s her flowers. It doesn't even mean it's going to happen that week. It just serves as a mind trigger for her. There is no pressure, it's just a reminder.
As a tip for the guys: I have a account with ProFlowers.com and it reminds me every month to get her flowers. I can even choose to buy a pre-order plan where it automatically ships flowers to her every month with out me having to order. I enjoy choosing the flowers every month so I choose not to do that. However it is there for you guy's who are concerned about forgetting.
For the Ladies: Shannon has been able to find some very tasteful web sites for lingerie and other things. Remember the rule: Flannel is never sexy!
This is just one simple system that we have been able to put into place where everyone gets what they want with no pressure, whining or unrequited feelings of romance.
What systems are you going to put into place today?
Let me explain:
Shannon loves the look of fresh flowers in the house. What woman doesn't right? To be honest, I like it too. Fresh flowers look good, they smell great, there's just not a lot of negatives you can say about fresh flowers. To Shannon it is a constant reminder of my love for her and that I did something, thinking of her on one day, but the sentiment lasts for over a week. If I happen to add one or two pieces of See's candy along with it, well that's just double the points for me. For most people it is not feasible to have fresh flowers every day or every week for that matter. However I have never been a fan of the idea that the only time to get her flowers is on some made up holiday or birthday. Once a month is a good target.
I, like a lot of men, enjoy more physical ways of demonstrating romance. However, there's basic normal romance, what we call "fast food" romance and there is "gourmet dinner" romance. Let's face it, due to time and life circumstance, most marriages have a lot more "fast food" than "gourmet "meals. Most men understand this, we would, however, like having a "gourmet meal" more often than every three months or so. Having our wifes, look (hair and make up done), smell (perfume) and feel (shaved legs and lingerie) like the fresh flowers once a month would be nice.
Therefore Shannon and I put a simple and effective system in place. Once a month Shannon is guaranteed to get a nice bouquet of flowers delivered to her. That is her reminder to put fourth her best effort one evening of her choice. It doesn't mean it is going to happen the night she get' s her flowers. It doesn't even mean it's going to happen that week. It just serves as a mind trigger for her. There is no pressure, it's just a reminder.
As a tip for the guys: I have a account with ProFlowers.com and it reminds me every month to get her flowers. I can even choose to buy a pre-order plan where it automatically ships flowers to her every month with out me having to order. I enjoy choosing the flowers every month so I choose not to do that. However it is there for you guy's who are concerned about forgetting.
For the Ladies: Shannon has been able to find some very tasteful web sites for lingerie and other things. Remember the rule: Flannel is never sexy!
This is just one simple system that we have been able to put into place where everyone gets what they want with no pressure, whining or unrequited feelings of romance.
What systems are you going to put into place today?
Thursday, July 10, 2008
Wednesday, July 9, 2008
The things you CAN NOT control
In business there are always things you can control and things you can not. The stock market is something that can not be controlled, the way you invest in the stock market and handle the daily changes in it is something you can control. This is the same in your marriage relationship.
I was reading an article recently about dealing with addictions in your marriage and I wanted to share some thoughts. The article was designed to help a spouse of an addict understand what they can and what they can not control in the situation. As we have all heard, from alcohol to drugs to internet pornography these addictions are increasingly attacking the the bonds of marriages. Often when a spouse learns of a partner's involvement with an addiction they are likely to have a feeling of hopelessness, anger, fear, betrayal and if that addiction involves pornography, a feeling of diminished self worth.
In this confusing time it is important to understand the things a spouse of an addict can and can not control.
Factors spouses CAN NOT control- Their partners behavior- Their partners desire to change their partners recovery process.
Factors spouses CAN control- Their response to their partners behavior- Their ability to care for themselves- Their willingness to forgive- Their own since of self worth
When reading these factors I found it interesting that these factors also are a part of your relationships in general. Wither it be with your spouse, your child, co-worker or your mother-in-law. So often we get involved in the belief that we can change them, usually through complaining, nagging or anger. The truth, that we all know, is that you have no control over other peoples behavior. The only behavior you can have any control over is your own.
Looking for ways to improve yourself and feeling of self worth on an individual basis is crucial to the success of your marriage. Both partners are responsible to bring 100% of their best to the "marriage table". When both are doing so and encouraging each other in their endeavors, with heartfelt interest, the false statement of "we grew apart" that so many use to excuse bad behavior will not be a concern in your Business of Marriage.
Monday, June 23, 2008
Finally Home!
I'm finally back. Shannon and I figured that in the last month I have been home about a week in total.
Jamaica was awesome! We had a great time and really enjoyed not having a cell phone or emails to answer to. It was definitely a memory that the kids will have for a very long time. Here's a little travel tip for you, if you ever go to Jamaica, be careful not to over pack!. By "over pack" I mean more than two swim suits and one regular pair of clothing. We were literally in our swim suits all day everyday and the only time we were in other clothes was to go to dinner. It's great to have a week long vacation that you can get away with just bringing a carry on bag to travel with.
The day after getting back I got a call from T. Harv Eker's group to fly up to Montreal the next day. I did that then came come only to leave three days later for San Fransisco for a MMI event. Then came my five days home only to turn around and take the entire family to California so the kids could attend the Landmark for young people event. After coming home from that Shannon and I had committed to being a part of a BUY filming for a Parenting course. That took two days. Then Saturday I flew out to LA again to speak for a Real Estate company only to fly back Sunday night and here I am.
Now I can start on setting a new date for the BOM event and work on bringing T. Harv Eker himself to SLC. A huge undertaking but I know it will be well worth it.
I just got the promo video for The Business of Marriage back from the videographer and love it. We will be placing it on the web site soon but for now you can view it on youtube by clicking here. http://youtube.com/watch?v=4VT1BrZmEuY
I hope everyone is doing great and look forward to seeing all of you soon.
Jamaica was awesome! We had a great time and really enjoyed not having a cell phone or emails to answer to. It was definitely a memory that the kids will have for a very long time. Here's a little travel tip for you, if you ever go to Jamaica, be careful not to over pack!. By "over pack" I mean more than two swim suits and one regular pair of clothing. We were literally in our swim suits all day everyday and the only time we were in other clothes was to go to dinner. It's great to have a week long vacation that you can get away with just bringing a carry on bag to travel with.
The day after getting back I got a call from T. Harv Eker's group to fly up to Montreal the next day. I did that then came come only to leave three days later for San Fransisco for a MMI event. Then came my five days home only to turn around and take the entire family to California so the kids could attend the Landmark for young people event. After coming home from that Shannon and I had committed to being a part of a BUY filming for a Parenting course. That took two days. Then Saturday I flew out to LA again to speak for a Real Estate company only to fly back Sunday night and here I am.
Now I can start on setting a new date for the BOM event and work on bringing T. Harv Eker himself to SLC. A huge undertaking but I know it will be well worth it.
I just got the promo video for The Business of Marriage back from the videographer and love it. We will be placing it on the web site soon but for now you can view it on youtube by clicking here. http://youtube.com/watch?v=4VT1BrZmEuY
I hope everyone is doing great and look forward to seeing all of you soon.
Friday, May 9, 2008
New Site
We just put up our new site at www.thebizofmarriage.com
There is some great information on our new two day event. Look forward to seeing you there.
There is some great information on our new two day event. Look forward to seeing you there.
Thursday, May 8, 2008
Millionaire minds getting down to business
Wow, this last two weeks has flown by. A week ago we left to Denver for the Millionaire Mind Intensive. What an experience that was!!
I actually got to view it as a volunteer. It was really interesting seeing the transformations that occurred from an entirely different angle. To watch my friends and family transform themselves through was really a unique gift.
Something that I did not expect to effect me as much as it did was all of the people that came up to me who I didn't know, thanking me for bringing the event to Salt Lake, therefore giving them the opportunity to grow. Couples with tears in their eyes, hugging me as they expressed their gratitude. That was something I will never forget.
My intention is to work with Harv Ekers team at Peak Potentials Training to get Harv himself here in the fall. That will be really awesome.
Another awesome happening will be the first Business of Marriage two day intensive. I was going to push off the event to next month, however I really want to get things going and try a few things out so I am going to be holding a free event. That way I can tape a few things and really get them flushed out. It will also allow me to start monetizing the system. I am really excited about it and what it will do for people.
Shannon and I are leaving with the kids on Monday to Jamaica! We are all excited about it. A week away...can't wait.
I actually got to view it as a volunteer. It was really interesting seeing the transformations that occurred from an entirely different angle. To watch my friends and family transform themselves through was really a unique gift.
Something that I did not expect to effect me as much as it did was all of the people that came up to me who I didn't know, thanking me for bringing the event to Salt Lake, therefore giving them the opportunity to grow. Couples with tears in their eyes, hugging me as they expressed their gratitude. That was something I will never forget.
My intention is to work with Harv Ekers team at Peak Potentials Training to get Harv himself here in the fall. That will be really awesome.
Another awesome happening will be the first Business of Marriage two day intensive. I was going to push off the event to next month, however I really want to get things going and try a few things out so I am going to be holding a free event. That way I can tape a few things and really get them flushed out. It will also allow me to start monetizing the system. I am really excited about it and what it will do for people.
Shannon and I are leaving with the kids on Monday to Jamaica! We are all excited about it. A week away...can't wait.
Thursday, April 10, 2008
Living in the Future
This month is supposed to be the month I start writing specific chapters my book as opposed to just a bunch of notes, thoughts and statistics that I have gathered up to now. I'm also in the middle of writing all of the curriculum for the two day event on May 30-31. The challenge seams to be, I'm not in the mood! After the Millionaire Mind event and all the work that was involved in that, I feel drained. Even just organizing all of my notes seems daunting. I think its my pending vacations fault.
Next month we are taking the whole family to Jamaica fro a week. I have not been able to stop thinking about it. No cell phones, no email, no phones, no television, no appointments, it is all a little to much to believe. Yet, going to be so great.
The answer seems to be in my own advice, (Isn't it usually that way), Living in the past is called depression, living in the future is called anxiety, so I can only live in the NOW. So I guess I just need to get to work and stop whining about it. Even if it's not exactly what I want, at least it will be something.
Next month we are taking the whole family to Jamaica fro a week. I have not been able to stop thinking about it. No cell phones, no email, no phones, no television, no appointments, it is all a little to much to believe. Yet, going to be so great.
The answer seems to be in my own advice, (Isn't it usually that way), Living in the past is called depression, living in the future is called anxiety, so I can only live in the NOW. So I guess I just need to get to work and stop whining about it. Even if it's not exactly what I want, at least it will be something.
Friday, April 4, 2008
The first of many
Finally set up this blog to talk about the most important thing in my life. My wife.
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