Flowers and Formal

One of my favorite systems Shannon and I use is what we call our Flowers/Formal system.
Let me explain:
Shannon loves the look of fresh flowers in the house. What woman doesn't right? To be honest, I like it too. Fresh flowers look good, they smell great, there's just not a lot of negatives you can say about fresh flowers. To Shannon it is a constant reminder of my love for her and that I did something, thinking of her on one day, but the sentiment lasts for over a week. If I happen to add one or two pieces of See's candy along with it, well that's just double the points for me. For most people it is not feasible to have fresh flowers every day or every week for that matter. However I have never been a fan of the idea that the only time to get her flowers is on some made up holiday or birthday. Once a month is a good target.
I, like a lot of men, enjoy more physical ways of demonstrating romance. However, there's basic normal romance, what we call "fast food" romance and there is "gourmet dinner" romance. Let's face it, due to time and life circumstance, most marriages have a lot more "fast food" than "gourmet "meals. Most men understand this, we would, however, like having a "gourmet meal" more often than every three months or so. Having our wifes, look (hair and make up done), smell (perfume) and feel (shaved legs and lingerie) like the fresh flowers once a month would be nice.
Therefore Shannon and I put a simple and effective system in place. Once a month Shannon is guaranteed to get a nice bouquet of flowers delivered to her. That is her reminder to put fourth her best effort one evening of her choice. It doesn't mean it is going to happen the night she get' s her flowers. It doesn't even mean it's going to happen that week. It just serves as a mind trigger for her. There is no pressure, it's just a reminder.
As a tip for the guys: I have a account with ProFlowers.com and it reminds me every month to get her flowers. I can even choose to buy a pre-order plan where it automatically ships flowers to her every month with out me having to order. I enjoy choosing the flowers every month so I choose not to do that. However it is there for you guy's who are concerned about forgetting.
For the Ladies: Shannon has been able to find some very tasteful web sites for lingerie and other things. Remember the rule: Flannel is never sexy!
This is just one simple system that we have been able to put into place where everyone gets what they want with no pressure, whining or unrequited feelings of romance.
What systems are you going to put into place today?

I'm looking for your vote!

The things you CAN NOT control

In business there are always things you can control and things you can not. The stock market is something that can not be controlled, the way you invest in the stock market and handle the daily changes in it is something you can control. This is the same in your marriage relationship.

I was reading an article recently about dealing with addictions in your marriage and I wanted to share some thoughts. The article was designed to help a spouse of an addict understand what they can and what they can not control in the situation. As we have all heard, from alcohol to drugs to internet pornography these addictions are increasingly attacking the the bonds of marriages. Often when a spouse learns of a partner's involvement with an addiction they are likely to have a feeling of hopelessness, anger, fear, betrayal and if that addiction involves pornography, a feeling of diminished self worth.
In this confusing time it is important to understand the things a spouse of an addict can and can not control.
Factors spouses CAN NOT control- Their partners behavior- Their partners desire to change their partners recovery process.
Factors spouses CAN control- Their response to their partners behavior- Their ability to care for themselves- Their willingness to forgive- Their own since of self worth

When reading these factors I found it interesting that these factors also are a part of your relationships in general. Wither it be with your spouse, your child, co-worker or your mother-in-law. So often we get involved in the belief that we can change them, usually through complaining, nagging or anger. The truth, that we all know, is that you have no control over other peoples behavior. The only behavior you can have any control over is your own.

Looking for ways to improve yourself and feeling of self worth on an individual basis is crucial to the success of your marriage. Both partners are responsible to bring 100% of their best to the "marriage table". When both are doing so and encouraging each other in their endeavors, with heartfelt interest, the false statement of "we grew apart" that so many use to excuse bad behavior will not be a concern in your Business of Marriage.