Be Happy

In her excellent book, Happy for NO Reason, Marci Shimoff teaches you how to be happy, just because. No reason at all. Not the new toy, not the job, not the family, not the boy or girlfriend, but just because you choose to be.
In marriage we too often allow outside sources or a belief in something determine whether or not we are happy. Often a spouse will continue a cycle of depression or self deprecating behavior because of a belief that when (blank) happens then (blank) will happen.
"When he says, I love you 20 times a day, then I'll be happy."
"When she gets along wiht my mother, then I will know she loves me."
"When he cleans up after himself, then i will stop nagging."
"When she understands how important the game is to me, then we won't fight anymore about my watching TV."

Whatever it is, it all a bunch of poo-poo. (That's right, I said it). Listen to me very carefully....YOU ARE THE ONLY ONE WHO CAN DETERMINE YOUR HAPPINESS. It is never determined by he, she, them, that, or it. You can literally choose at anytime to be happy or not.

In the Italian movie Life is Beautiful, the main character is determined to help his son be happy even while in a Nazi concentration camp. He did this by making there time there a game. In my opinion, the wonderful part about this movie was that in order to help his son not be scared or unhappy, the main character Guido played by Roberto Benigni, had to choose to be happy himself. Did that mean he wasn't worried at times? Concerned for his wife and son's safety? Not at all. He lived in the real world, he just choose to be happy and help others be happy as well in spite of the surrounding danger and misery.


The key here is to practice learning the skill and developing that muscle so you can call upon it at any time. Marci's book is a very thorough guide to learning how to be Happy for No Reason in your marriage.