Parental Warning

Last week I had a bit of a scare. I got a call from my mom that my dad, whom she has been divorced from since I was 8, had been rushed to the hospital for suspicion of a heart attack.
My dad is 59 years old. Never had any major medical challenges and other than needing to shed about 30 pounds, in fairly good health.
The good news is that he is just fine and the doctors think it was just a stress attack.
For me it was a bit of a moment because I have never really thought of my dad's death. Not in a real way anyway. My mom has had some medical issues so I have contemplated her passing away before but never my dad. So it really hit me.
My dad and I have not had the smoothest of relationships. After he and my mom divorced I really felt that he would rather move on with his life and his new family and that myself and my siblings we just a constatnt reminder of the burden he had to pay child support to every month. There was even a time where I did not visit him or talk to him in my teen age years. Eventually we started a basic relationship again. One where we would share pleasantries and a few disscussions but nothing really deep. Then when Shannon and I started to have children I saw him become this really great grandfather. I actually got a bit jelous of the way he acted and treated my kids. He was so good, caring and loving to them that I wondered why he wasn't that way towards me as a kid. After a few discussions with Shannon, I realized that my dad never learned how to be a dad. His father died when he was 16 years old and wasn't that close of a guy when he was alive. So how was my dad supposed to know how to or how not to act? It was a bit of a break through for me.
The biggest breakthrough came during a seminar I attended called Landmark Forum. I was able to really release my dad from the Story I had created in my head about him and why he did the things he did and why I react to him the way I did. It was really liberating. I actually called him and talked to him about it. I have never been in a situation where my dad and I had a real conversation. Where the two of us were telling the other how much we love each other through the tears we were shedding. It was quite a event for us.
The point is this. After receiving the call about him being rushed to the hospital I shed more tears. This time out of concern for his health and for the potential loss of him in my life. I did not, however, worry about the things not said that so many people worry about. I really felt great that I was able to talk with him and release the feelings I had. That y dad and I now have a relationship, a real relationship, where I can talk with him and laugh with him with no guard up whatsoever. Knowing that if he did pass away tomorrow, I would be at peace with what has been said between us.
If you have an issue with one or both of your parents it's time to clear that up. In other words, let it go. There is an old saying when it comes to holding on to resentment and anger, "It's like drinking poison and waiting for the other person to die." It's costing you more than it's worth. NO MATTER WHAT THE SITUATION, when you let "the story" go it frees you to become whatever you want and allows you to get on with your life.

Good night

A routine that is so vital to kids is the evening routine. So many parents just send their kids up to bed without a closing of the day. Don't we all want a happy ending? If it's a movie, television show or a book and good ending is appreciated. It's the same with kids and the end of their day.
Since our kids were little we have always had a routine to get them in bed. And we always made it an earlier than later bed time.
We start with a family prayer. (If you are not religious, then just a things we are grateful for today sharing time will work). Then all the kids separate to their rooms and wait for us to come in. Then we ask the question- "What were you're highs and lows for the day?" They then name one or two things that they felt were good about their day and then one or two things that were not so good. This allows them a quick review of their day with us and also allows them to express any concerns with their siblings or friends, sorrow for bad behavior or things they want to work on for the next day.
Then we ask what they want to dream about tonight. Now the night is in there hands. We noticed early on that this alone helped cut down on the nightmares children often have because they go to sleep now thinking of this dream.
Then we have a series of quick answer questions.
We ask /They answer
"Who do we love?" /"Me"
"A little or a lot?" / "A lot"
"For today or forever"/ "Forever"
"Who's the luckiest mom and dad in the world?" / "You are."
"Why?" / "Because you have such great kids."
"Who are..."/ "Going to grow up and do great things in the world."
"Like..." /They say what ever they want.
"Good night, sleep tight." / "Don't let the bed bugs bite."

We do this with each child individually. It takes about two minutes each but it is something we all look forward to. It helps them settle down, relax, have some alone time with us and most importantly ends their day on a great note.
If I'm out of town on work I can still call in and do it and it's lite a hug over the phone.

The last thing we do before we shut doors is we sing a little song. It's a bit cheesy but it is really cute. The song we sing is a prayer. I actually stole it from one of my childhood favorite shows, The Donny and Marie show. It's their ending song, which works as a prayer as well.

"May tomorrow be a perfect day, may you find love and laughter along the way. May God keep you in his tender care, until we're together again. Good night everybody."


Then the doors shut and everyone is down for the night.

Just like in most things kids like routines. It makes thing normal and reliable. This is just one of the systems we have in place for them.
What are some of the systems you have in your family?