Why is sex core to a relationship?

A key part of the relationship CORE is definitely sex.

When your sex live is intact and working at it’s best, everything will be stronger. The importance on this area is not to be discounted or overlooked. When the intimacy in your relationship is working at it’s best everything in your life will be better. Your relationships with your children, co-workers, and friends will be more meaningful. Let me quote from an email I received recently about getting into a rut when it comes to sex in marriage.
“If the amount of sex you’re used to having starts to slide, your body and brain can get used to the decreased intimacy, causing you to go even longer without wanting that closeness.”

You can see where this is detrimental for both sexes.

Women, if you want him to be more open sharing and caring to you, have more sex. Don’t wait till you are in the mood. Get in the mood. Act as if you are in the mood. I know you are tired! I know you’ve had to deal with ______ all day. Approach him for sex. Do not hold back such an important part of your relationship from him. Yes, I say this as a man and a husband. It’s that important. It is unwise and foolish to believe he will stay committed to you just because of a vow if you hold out on him. That is never an excuse for a man to cheat or turn to pornography. It is, however, very possibly a reason.

Men- Give her a reason to want to come on to you. Bring the flowers home, for no reason other than you want to. Give her a night out on her own or with the friends. Make or bring home dinner AND clean up afterwards. Draw her nice bath. One of the biggest lessons I learned is that foreplay starts in the kitchen. The more time she doesn’t have to clean up after you and the kids, the more time and energy she has for you.

Let’s go to the clinical side of things for a moment. More and more scientific studies come out every year on the importance of a healthy sex life. Over the years studies have shown these emotional and physical benefits, to name just a few.
PHYSICAL HEALTH
Lower mortality rates. Reduces risk of prostate cancer. Actually improves posture and firms tummy and buttocks areas. Reduced risk of heart disease. Improves fitness level. Has a therapeutic effect on immune system. Better bladder control. Improved sense of smell. Relieves menstrual cramps. Helps people sleep better. Improves digestion. Lowers the level of cholesterol. Healthier teeth. Less-frequent colds and flu. Burns about 200 calories during 30 minutes of active sex.
MENTAL HEALTH
Makes a person feel younger, offers pain-relief. Gives you a positive attitude on life. Makes a person more calm. Lowers feelings of insecurity. Boosts self esteem. Makes a person less irritable. Reduced depression. Helps folks remember more. Produces chemicals in the brain to stimulate the growth of new dendrites. Increases level of commitment. Keeps spouses connected emotionally.

I often use the analogy of a hungry child. If a child came to you and said, “I’m hungry.” Would you just put him off by saying, “I’m not in the mood to feed you right now.” Of course not, you make them a sandwich out of their need to be fed not because you felt like it or you were in the mood to do so.

I hope you noticed that I did not put a gender to my analogy. I did this because, even though the majority of not enough sex comes from the husband towards the wife, I have encountered a fair amount of women who have the complaint towards their husbands.

However, in one of my recent events I had a woman get upset at me and accuse me of using an analogy that didn’t fit because if you do not feed a child they will die and that is not the case with sex. My response at the time was adequate to calm her and see the point. However a few days later I received a letter from one of the other men in attendance.

Here was his response to her reply:

You said if your child came to you and said they were hungry would you not feed them. The woman in the audience stated that it was not that same thing. That you won't die without sex every day. Here were my thoughts. First, a child will not die without food every day either. The body is very capable of going for days to weeks without food. Even a small child can go for days without eating. However, even though they are capable and their bodies (and minds) will not suffer at first, eventually it is going to become painful for them to go through this experience. The reason you feed them is so that they don't experience pain, it isn't purely to keep them alive. The same thing can be said for sex. Eventually, when that person goes for too long without it, they are going to experience emotional pain. Although one may be physical and the other emotional, pain is pain, and I don't want anyone I love to experience either. Also, just like the unfed child will eventually die without being fed, the "unfed" husband, or wife for that matter, will eventually die emotionally. To me it is very much the same idea and I think you did a great job relating that.

The other thing that you said was what if you asked your husband to make you a sandwich and he did it moaning and groaning or said not right now? My thought with that was, if he made you the sandwich, but did so begrudgingly, how much would you even enjoy eating the sandwich? Would the sandwich taste the same if it wasn't made with love and honor? Would you even want the sandwich at all anymore if that was the feeling that was put into making it? I just think it is such a good analogy that can be played with in so many ways as to help people understand.

Well said.