Posts
Whatever your traditions might be I hope you have a great holiday season filled with love and memories to last a lifetime.
From my family to yours,
Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year!
Wednesday, December 24, 2008
Monday, December 22, 2008
I still remember
I'm going to make this one a short one for all of you last minute husbands out there still trying to figure out what to get your spouse for Christmas,or if you are feeling the penny's pinch this month.
Give her a card, a letter or a mini-book of all the things you can remember about her. From the first time you saw her to now. No major explanations, just the things you remember.
Depending on how long you have known her, will determine how long the card or letter will be.
This idea also works for anyone who is just thinking of an inexpensive gift to a loved one.
Here are some other great gift ideas.
Give her a card, a letter or a mini-book of all the things you can remember about her. From the first time you saw her to now. No major explanations, just the things you remember.
Depending on how long you have known her, will determine how long the card or letter will be.
This idea also works for anyone who is just thinking of an inexpensive gift to a loved one.
Here are some other great gift ideas.
Friday, December 19, 2008
Poll Results
In our recent poll asking you when you feel the most love towards your spouse, the response was overwhelming.
56% of those who participated said they felt the most love for their spouse around the time of their anniversary.
A distant second was Christmas time at 26%. Followed by 20% saying their spouses birthday was the time they felt the most love. Surprising to only those who own stock in Hallmark, Valentines Day came in dead last with only 1% of the vote.
I think that's great. That's how it should be. I have never been a fan of the V-Day. Sure I've fallen into the trap of feeling the pressure to get a card or flowers for my wife. However, I tend to get her flowers every month anyway and would rather give her a card throughout the year because I want to express my feelings toward her, not because of pressure from a made up holiday.
Because most of you feel more love towards your spouse during your anniversary I want to offer an experiment. Let's remember back to when you were dating and/or first married and you marked every month as an anniversary. Let's go back to those times for the next six months. If your really daring, do it for a year. Do yourself and your marriage a favor and take it to the next level by not telling your spouse what you are up to. Just like your anniversary, make it on the same day every month.
You don't have to do anything fancy, just give them a card saying how much you appreciate them. Bring home a single rose. Make them their favorite dinner. Hire a house cleaner as a surprise. Use your imagination. The key is to not let them know what you are up to. Just do it because you want to remember and create that feeling of love towards them every month.
If the anniversary month is the time a majority of people feel the most love towards their spouse, then in order to strengthen your marriage it only makes since to make every month your anniversary month.
56% of those who participated said they felt the most love for their spouse around the time of their anniversary.
A distant second was Christmas time at 26%. Followed by 20% saying their spouses birthday was the time they felt the most love. Surprising to only those who own stock in Hallmark, Valentines Day came in dead last with only 1% of the vote.
I think that's great. That's how it should be. I have never been a fan of the V-Day. Sure I've fallen into the trap of feeling the pressure to get a card or flowers for my wife. However, I tend to get her flowers every month anyway and would rather give her a card throughout the year because I want to express my feelings toward her, not because of pressure from a made up holiday.
Because most of you feel more love towards your spouse during your anniversary I want to offer an experiment. Let's remember back to when you were dating and/or first married and you marked every month as an anniversary. Let's go back to those times for the next six months. If your really daring, do it for a year. Do yourself and your marriage a favor and take it to the next level by not telling your spouse what you are up to. Just like your anniversary, make it on the same day every month.
You don't have to do anything fancy, just give them a card saying how much you appreciate them. Bring home a single rose. Make them their favorite dinner. Hire a house cleaner as a surprise. Use your imagination. The key is to not let them know what you are up to. Just do it because you want to remember and create that feeling of love towards them every month.
If the anniversary month is the time a majority of people feel the most love towards their spouse, then in order to strengthen your marriage it only makes since to make every month your anniversary month.
Thursday, December 18, 2008
Powerful request from a Pastor
Recently I heard a news story about some very interesting and powerful council from a Pastor of a church in Grapevine, TX. Why it struck me is because I have often suggested the same thing to couples who are having a strain in their marriage or just want to grow closer to each other.
Rev. Ed Young, pastor of the Fellowship Church, suggested to his married couples an entire week of “congregational copulation”. That's right; SEX. He did this while pacing in front of a large bed and flipping through a Bible.
The article called this a "controversial topic among his religious community". However, I don't know anything controversial about it. Hello secular world and media, Christians like to have sex to. We just prefer not to have it splattered all over the television and computer in the name of, so called "sexual freedom". Sexual fulfillment is one of the most spiritual things you can do in your marriage and will have major lasting affects on your relationship.
The challenge was to have sex everyday, at least once, for an entire week. (I can hear and see some of the gasping and eye rolling now from some of you) His advice is right on. A healthy sex life is not only important to a relationship but give you a connection you don't get otherwise in your otherwise busy lives. It allows the two of you to become one, and if done properly, allows the other to focus on the needs of the one person they love most in the world.
Some of you might be worried this challenge will have you making love out of obligation not desire. I would propose this; If the thought of having intimate alone time with you spouse, everyday for an entire week automatically brings up concerns or ways to denounce the challenge, you probably do the same when it comes to any amount of intimacy with your spouse. You think of excuses or reasons why it won't work for you or why that's a crazy request. That's why taking on this challenge is a great opportunity for you to actually work on making it spontaneous and create that desire.
In her book, And They Were Not Ashmed, Laura Brotherson writes,
"A little playfulness and creativity in appropriate ways can add vitality to your sexual relationship. Don't let lovemaking become predictable or routine-predictability can squelch sensuality."
I can hear some of you now, "But if we are both committed to making love for an entire week, where's the spontaneity in that?"
Like Laura says, shake it up a bit. Steel a moment away in the middle of the day. Surprise him at work. Take a bath together after the kids go to bed. Welcome him home with the kids gone at grandma's house and you in the buff. Make it up! Get creative. If you are feeling empty in the creative arena, do something really crazy and ask your spouse what they think would be creative.
At this closing of the year, why not set a goal that you can not only keep up on, but will absolutely strengthen your marriage. Once you have taken up the challenge from myself and Pastor Young for one week, continue by following his further advice to his congregation after the experiment was over, “keep on doing what you’ve been doing this week. We should try to double up the amount of intimacy we have in marriage. And when I say intimacy, I don’t mean holding hands in the park or a back rub.”
Rev. Ed Young, pastor of the Fellowship Church, suggested to his married couples an entire week of “congregational copulation”. That's right; SEX. He did this while pacing in front of a large bed and flipping through a Bible.
The article called this a "controversial topic among his religious community". However, I don't know anything controversial about it. Hello secular world and media, Christians like to have sex to. We just prefer not to have it splattered all over the television and computer in the name of, so called "sexual freedom". Sexual fulfillment is one of the most spiritual things you can do in your marriage and will have major lasting affects on your relationship.
The challenge was to have sex everyday, at least once, for an entire week. (I can hear and see some of the gasping and eye rolling now from some of you) His advice is right on. A healthy sex life is not only important to a relationship but give you a connection you don't get otherwise in your otherwise busy lives. It allows the two of you to become one, and if done properly, allows the other to focus on the needs of the one person they love most in the world.
Some of you might be worried this challenge will have you making love out of obligation not desire. I would propose this; If the thought of having intimate alone time with you spouse, everyday for an entire week automatically brings up concerns or ways to denounce the challenge, you probably do the same when it comes to any amount of intimacy with your spouse. You think of excuses or reasons why it won't work for you or why that's a crazy request. That's why taking on this challenge is a great opportunity for you to actually work on making it spontaneous and create that desire.
In her book, And They Were Not Ashmed, Laura Brotherson writes,
"A little playfulness and creativity in appropriate ways can add vitality to your sexual relationship. Don't let lovemaking become predictable or routine-predictability can squelch sensuality."
I can hear some of you now, "But if we are both committed to making love for an entire week, where's the spontaneity in that?"
Like Laura says, shake it up a bit. Steel a moment away in the middle of the day. Surprise him at work. Take a bath together after the kids go to bed. Welcome him home with the kids gone at grandma's house and you in the buff. Make it up! Get creative. If you are feeling empty in the creative arena, do something really crazy and ask your spouse what they think would be creative.
At this closing of the year, why not set a goal that you can not only keep up on, but will absolutely strengthen your marriage. Once you have taken up the challenge from myself and Pastor Young for one week, continue by following his further advice to his congregation after the experiment was over, “keep on doing what you’ve been doing this week. We should try to double up the amount of intimacy we have in marriage. And when I say intimacy, I don’t mean holding hands in the park or a back rub.”
Wednesday, December 17, 2008
What makes them feel loved?
Do you know what make your spouse feel loved? Do they know what makes you feel loved?
Have you asked them? Have they told you?
Too often we assume what makes the other feel loved or important and too often we get it wrong. Why? Because we assume we know and yet all we really have to do is ask and we will never have confusion again.
What if you had a literal list of things your spouse told you make them feel loved and important? You could wake up in the morning and look at the list of things you could do and then do them. Boom! Guaranteed affection! No guess work involved. It's all right on the list they made. It's almost like having an instruction manual for your spouse on how to make them feel loved. Can you imagine how many disappointments and even arguments that would resolve?
Well stop imagining and start doing.
Here is a date night assignment for you:
Forget the movie. Go to a quiet place, even check into a hotel if you have to, and make lists with each other. Talk about exactly what it is that makes you feel loved.
Do you feel love when he takes out the garbage?
Do you feel love when she makes your favorite breakfast?
Do you feel love when he let's you sleep in?
Do you feel love when she lets you watch the entire game with out interruption?
Name both the big and little things. Those things that take planning as well as those that can be done very quickly. Don't hold back!
Then take that list and place it somewhere it is easily accessible like a refrigerator or in the bathroom. Then it will work as a constant reminder as well as a guide.
Have you asked them? Have they told you?
Too often we assume what makes the other feel loved or important and too often we get it wrong. Why? Because we assume we know and yet all we really have to do is ask and we will never have confusion again.
What if you had a literal list of things your spouse told you make them feel loved and important? You could wake up in the morning and look at the list of things you could do and then do them. Boom! Guaranteed affection! No guess work involved. It's all right on the list they made. It's almost like having an instruction manual for your spouse on how to make them feel loved. Can you imagine how many disappointments and even arguments that would resolve?
Well stop imagining and start doing.
Here is a date night assignment for you:
Forget the movie. Go to a quiet place, even check into a hotel if you have to, and make lists with each other. Talk about exactly what it is that makes you feel loved.
Do you feel love when he takes out the garbage?
Do you feel love when she makes your favorite breakfast?
Do you feel love when he let's you sleep in?
Do you feel love when she lets you watch the entire game with out interruption?
Name both the big and little things. Those things that take planning as well as those that can be done very quickly. Don't hold back!
Then take that list and place it somewhere it is easily accessible like a refrigerator or in the bathroom. Then it will work as a constant reminder as well as a guide.
Tuesday, December 16, 2008
What's your family pecking order
In a recent study by the Edmonton Journal the number of divorces amongst older couples compared to their younger counterparts unfortunately is on the rise.
As a matter of fact between 1993 and 2003, the overall divorce rate fell by more than 11%, led by declines of over 40% among people in their 20’s and close to 30% among people in their 30’s. While divorce among couples in their 40’s rose slightly, the rate jumped 34% for those in the 50-54 age group. Among those aged 55-59, it reached a staggering peak of 47%. For those in their early 60s, the increase was less, but it still stood at 31.7%. Among seniors, it fell further to 9.2%.
I believe the high rate in the 50-59 age range is due to too many couples, in this case baby boomers, focusing their parenting on the needs and desires of the children needs over and above the needs of their spouse. Therefore once the children are out of the home, the husband and wife no longer know each other or have the burring desire towards one another they should have because they spend to much of their focus in the wrong area. Loving your children is obviously of great importance. However, the love between a husband and wife must be consistently nurtured and cared for, even beyond that of the children.
The Scripture say, "Let a man cling unto his wife and none other." It does not follow with, unless you want to make your children your best friend or you feel guilty for "whatever". Your husband or wife should always come first. Let your children know this. Tell them of the "Pecking order" when it comes to your affection. We have had that conversation many times in our home and the kids are grateful for it. They know that mom and dad are a united front and if push ever comes to shove we will choose each other as husband and wife over them. The more we not only tell them this, but show them by our example of love and affection towards one another in front of them, the stronger people and spouses they will be in their own marriage.
As a matter of fact between 1993 and 2003, the overall divorce rate fell by more than 11%, led by declines of over 40% among people in their 20’s and close to 30% among people in their 30’s. While divorce among couples in their 40’s rose slightly, the rate jumped 34% for those in the 50-54 age group. Among those aged 55-59, it reached a staggering peak of 47%. For those in their early 60s, the increase was less, but it still stood at 31.7%. Among seniors, it fell further to 9.2%.
I believe the high rate in the 50-59 age range is due to too many couples, in this case baby boomers, focusing their parenting on the needs and desires of the children needs over and above the needs of their spouse. Therefore once the children are out of the home, the husband and wife no longer know each other or have the burring desire towards one another they should have because they spend to much of their focus in the wrong area. Loving your children is obviously of great importance. However, the love between a husband and wife must be consistently nurtured and cared for, even beyond that of the children.
The Scripture say, "Let a man cling unto his wife and none other." It does not follow with, unless you want to make your children your best friend or you feel guilty for "whatever". Your husband or wife should always come first. Let your children know this. Tell them of the "Pecking order" when it comes to your affection. We have had that conversation many times in our home and the kids are grateful for it. They know that mom and dad are a united front and if push ever comes to shove we will choose each other as husband and wife over them. The more we not only tell them this, but show them by our example of love and affection towards one another in front of them, the stronger people and spouses they will be in their own marriage.
Monday, December 15, 2008
Act as if
I am the worlds greatest Husband and father. Why? Because I act as if I am.
For those of you who have been at my trainings before you have heard me use this phrase over and over again.
Acting as if is the fastest way to becoming something you want to be.
Do you want to become the worlds greatest husband or father? Then start doing what you think the worlds greatest husband and father would do and start doing it.
It's the same for anything; do you want to become a millionaire? Then you have to find out what millionaires do through the study of them in books like Think and Grow Rich by Napoleon Hill or The Secrets of the Millionaire Mind by T. Harv Eker and and start acting accordingly.
No matter what it is, if you truly start to act like whatever it is you want to become, you can not stop from eventually becoming that thing.
If you feel you are having a challenge in your relationship being what you really want to be, then start today by changing. If you need help, and you have already downloaded my 8 Systems audio as well as been a regular reader of the blog, email me and I will be happy to give some suggestions.
For those of you who have been at my trainings before you have heard me use this phrase over and over again.
Acting as if is the fastest way to becoming something you want to be.
Do you want to become the worlds greatest husband or father? Then start doing what you think the worlds greatest husband and father would do and start doing it.
It's the same for anything; do you want to become a millionaire? Then you have to find out what millionaires do through the study of them in books like Think and Grow Rich by Napoleon Hill or The Secrets of the Millionaire Mind by T. Harv Eker and and start acting accordingly.
No matter what it is, if you truly start to act like whatever it is you want to become, you can not stop from eventually becoming that thing.
If you feel you are having a challenge in your relationship being what you really want to be, then start today by changing. If you need help, and you have already downloaded my 8 Systems audio as well as been a regular reader of the blog, email me and I will be happy to give some suggestions.
Friday, December 12, 2008
Stuff it with a letter
It's an old and wise saying which tells us "the best gift is a gift from the heart". So this year why not give a little something extra of yourself in your spouses Christmas stocking this year. A letter of gratitude and love. Sure the shiny(jewelry) and smelly (cologne) things are nice but you will absolutely blow them away with a simple hand written, (or if your like me and need spell check even typed will do), letter from the heart.
Hopefully their joy in receiving this note will inspire you to do it more often throughout the year.
In a recent post Sheri and Bob Stritof from About.com gave some great tips about how to leave notes for your loved one.
Here are a few suggested topics:
Let them know why your love grew for them more this year.
How their help with a certain challenge was important to you.
List what you are truly thankful to them for.
What your goals are as a spouse this upcoming year.
What are the things they do that make you feel loved.
The best thing about this "stuffer" is it will never loose its shine or fragrance. Your spouse will be able to pull your note out whenever they want to and feel that sense of gratitude and love from you. It also has the possibility of being opened and read many years from now by your grown children, serving as a witness to their parents love for each other. Is there really any better gift than that?
Hopefully their joy in receiving this note will inspire you to do it more often throughout the year.
In a recent post Sheri and Bob Stritof from About.com gave some great tips about how to leave notes for your loved one.
Here are a few suggested topics:
Let them know why your love grew for them more this year.
How their help with a certain challenge was important to you.
List what you are truly thankful to them for.
What your goals are as a spouse this upcoming year.
What are the things they do that make you feel loved.
The best thing about this "stuffer" is it will never loose its shine or fragrance. Your spouse will be able to pull your note out whenever they want to and feel that sense of gratitude and love from you. It also has the possibility of being opened and read many years from now by your grown children, serving as a witness to their parents love for each other. Is there really any better gift than that?
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