Posts
During this Christmas season try to focus on giving daily gifts to one another. Not gifts you buy, rather gifts from the heart. Why not do a twelve days of Christmas of your own and become the "true love" spoken of in the traditional song.
Here are a few suggestions, please feel free to make up your own.
On the first day of Christmas my True Love gave to me...
1. Big Wet Kiss (In front of kids if applicable)
2. Light taps (or squeezes) on the bum.
3. Blooming roses
4. "Just because" calls in the middle of the day.
5. Have spontaneous "alone time"
6. Open her car door. Greet him at the door.
7. Slow dancing in the kitchen.
8. Let her hold the remote. Let him flip through the channels.
9. Good morning greeting with a kiss.
10. Sincere complement.
11. Take a walk together.
12. Gratitude notes.
If you were to follow the song, including the repeats, by the end of twelve days you would have:
12 Big wet kisses.
22 Squeezes on the bum.
30 Roses
36 Calls
40 Spontaneous "Alone Time's"
42 Opening or greeting
42 Slow dances
40 Remote controls
36 "Good Mornings"
30 Complements
22 Walks
12 Notes
When you tally up the numbers, you could choose to think some of those tasks, and the required frequency are overwhelming or unrealistic. Remember the old saying, whether you believe you can or believe you can't, you are right. For Christians, this is the time of year we celebrate the birth of our Savior who sacrifices his life for all of the world. Isn't your marriage worth a little bit of extra effort this Christmas season?
When you do this exercise, I promise your entire month will change and your relationship will end the year and start the new one on a great note.
Tuesday, December 9, 2008
Saturday, December 6, 2008
Evaluating Your Marriage
This is a questionnaire which may be used to assess the strength and maturity of your marriage. It is suggested that each spouse complete it separately, then compare notes. Rate your marriage on a scale from 1 (lowest) to 5 (highest) in each of the different categories. This will highlight areas for growth. It also highlights differences in perception about your combined strengths and weaknesses.
Affection
Companionship/Friendship 1 2 3 4 5
Do you enjoy being together? Talking? Is your spouse your best friend?
Intimacy/Sex 1 2 3 4 5
Does your spouse express his/her affection often? Display affection in public? Does your spouse touch you enough? Too much? The way you like it? Do you go to bed together? Get up together? Kiss each other often? When you greet one another? How is you sex life? Do you consider your spouses' needs/desires above your own? Does either feel denied sexually? Is your lovemaking frequent and varied? Do you both regularly achieve fulfillment? Are either of you ashamed of the other seeing your body? Do you ever make cutting remarks about the others body?
Captivation 1 2 3 4 5
Are all of your amorous/sexual thoughts and energies focused on your spouse alone? Are they growing stronger? Does your spouse know how much you love him/her? Do you think often about you spouse? Do you love to look at and watch your spouse?
Communication
Understanding/Empathy 1 2 3 4 5
Do you know all about each other? Do you want to know your spouse inside out? Do you want to be known in the same way? Absolutely honest? Nothing hidden? Are you open with thoughts, feelings, facts, sins, dreams? Are you both growing more aware of and sensitive to the other's feelings, concerns? How often do you talk? Deeply?
Encouragement/Esteem-Building 1 2 3 4 5
What does your spouse believe about you? That you are a loser or that you are amazing and wonderful in every way? How frequently do you compliment each other? How often do you say "I love you" or express appreciation for one another? Do you hurt each other with cutting or careless remarks? Sarcasm? Skepticism? Negativity? Indifference? Does your spouse make you feel special? Competent? Beautiful? How frequently?
Conflict Resolution 1 2 3 4 5
Do you resolve conflict easily? Quickly? Is there lingering bitterness? DO you lack of forgiveness? Do you have a record of wrongs? Do you respect each others opinions? Feelings? Do you avoid conflict or resolve it? Do you walk out on conflict? Do you find it easier to just give up? Do you find mutually beneficial solutions? are you willing to sacrifice? Compromise? Is harmony more important to you than winning?
Cooperation
Like-minded/God-centered 1 2 3 4 5
Do you believe the same spiritual matters? If you are Christian are you both disciples of Christ? If you are not, do you study your religion together? Is your life focused on your beliefs? Both of you? Do you love what God loves? Hate what God hates? Are you confident your spouse shares your same values? Are you working toward the same goals? As a team? Together?
Roles 1 2 3 4 5
Does each of you know and accept your God-given roles in marriage? Does the husband lead? Does the wife help? Does he abuse his role by dominating or do you both have equal respect for one another? Do you help the other fill the role God has given them?
Finances 1 2 3 4 5
Does your spouse respect the way you handle finances? Is the division of financial responsibilities working well? Should it be changed? Do you both share the same financial goals?
Children 1 2 3 4 5
Do you agree on whether, when, and how to start (or increase) your family? Are you unified in you efforts to raise, discipline, and teach your children?
Affection
Companionship/Friendship 1 2 3 4 5
Do you enjoy being together? Talking? Is your spouse your best friend?
Intimacy/Sex 1 2 3 4 5
Does your spouse express his/her affection often? Display affection in public? Does your spouse touch you enough? Too much? The way you like it? Do you go to bed together? Get up together? Kiss each other often? When you greet one another? How is you sex life? Do you consider your spouses' needs/desires above your own? Does either feel denied sexually? Is your lovemaking frequent and varied? Do you both regularly achieve fulfillment? Are either of you ashamed of the other seeing your body? Do you ever make cutting remarks about the others body?
Captivation 1 2 3 4 5
Are all of your amorous/sexual thoughts and energies focused on your spouse alone? Are they growing stronger? Does your spouse know how much you love him/her? Do you think often about you spouse? Do you love to look at and watch your spouse?
Communication
Understanding/Empathy 1 2 3 4 5
Do you know all about each other? Do you want to know your spouse inside out? Do you want to be known in the same way? Absolutely honest? Nothing hidden? Are you open with thoughts, feelings, facts, sins, dreams? Are you both growing more aware of and sensitive to the other's feelings, concerns? How often do you talk? Deeply?
Encouragement/Esteem-Building 1 2 3 4 5
What does your spouse believe about you? That you are a loser or that you are amazing and wonderful in every way? How frequently do you compliment each other? How often do you say "I love you" or express appreciation for one another? Do you hurt each other with cutting or careless remarks? Sarcasm? Skepticism? Negativity? Indifference? Does your spouse make you feel special? Competent? Beautiful? How frequently?
Conflict Resolution 1 2 3 4 5
Do you resolve conflict easily? Quickly? Is there lingering bitterness? DO you lack of forgiveness? Do you have a record of wrongs? Do you respect each others opinions? Feelings? Do you avoid conflict or resolve it? Do you walk out on conflict? Do you find it easier to just give up? Do you find mutually beneficial solutions? are you willing to sacrifice? Compromise? Is harmony more important to you than winning?
Cooperation
Like-minded/God-centered 1 2 3 4 5
Do you believe the same spiritual matters? If you are Christian are you both disciples of Christ? If you are not, do you study your religion together? Is your life focused on your beliefs? Both of you? Do you love what God loves? Hate what God hates? Are you confident your spouse shares your same values? Are you working toward the same goals? As a team? Together?
Roles 1 2 3 4 5
Does each of you know and accept your God-given roles in marriage? Does the husband lead? Does the wife help? Does he abuse his role by dominating or do you both have equal respect for one another? Do you help the other fill the role God has given them?
Finances 1 2 3 4 5
Does your spouse respect the way you handle finances? Is the division of financial responsibilities working well? Should it be changed? Do you both share the same financial goals?
Children 1 2 3 4 5
Do you agree on whether, when, and how to start (or increase) your family? Are you unified in you efforts to raise, discipline, and teach your children?
Monday, November 24, 2008
"Thanks" giving
Yes it's a bit cheesy since it is this time of year. However, I would encourage all of you to take the time on a monthly basis to tell your spouse how grateful you are to them for the little and big things. If we were all a bit more grateful to each other, in word and deed, our homes would be a much more peaceful environment.
Nothing brings peace and harmony into a home more than gratitude for one another.
You'd be surprised how an expression of thanks for even the little things. Changing the light bulb, taking out the trash, folding the laundry, doing the dishes, changing a diaper, it doesn't need to be a big deal. It shouldn't be a big deal.
Write a letter of gratitude this Thursday to all the people that matter in your life. Think of what an awesome memento it will be for your kids and spouse to have a letter from their parents of that nature.
Nothing brings peace and harmony into a home more than gratitude for one another.
You'd be surprised how an expression of thanks for even the little things. Changing the light bulb, taking out the trash, folding the laundry, doing the dishes, changing a diaper, it doesn't need to be a big deal. It shouldn't be a big deal.
Write a letter of gratitude this Thursday to all the people that matter in your life. Think of what an awesome memento it will be for your kids and spouse to have a letter from their parents of that nature.
Wednesday, November 12, 2008
Choose your battles!
The gay rights movement has compared their plight of supposed inequality to the plight of discrimination and injustice with the black community in this country. They have for all intense and purposes, hijacked the power and message of the civil rights movement led by Dr. Martin Luther King to say they are experiencing the same horrifying discrimination. They have staked a claim that the wrong which is being put upon them of not being able to change the definition of marriage is equal to the violence and atrocities experienced by the black community.
That is why they lost their bid against California’s Proposition 8. Not because of the less than 1% of the voting population made up by the Mormon community in California.
How selfish and pompous it is to say the homosexual cause is equal to the cruel, hateful and murderous acts against the Black community endured for hundreds of years in this country.
When was the last time the gay community was not allowed to eat at a restaurant or forced to sit in the back of the bus or give up their seat for a straight person?
What’s the name of any gay community leader who was killed because they were too loud about their cause or when have they had the equivalent of burning crosses placed in their lawns and run out of neighborhoods or communities?
When was the last time there was an organized effort to beat or lynch a gay person for being gay?
When was the last time a gay person was not allowed to vote?
It is not only outrageous to compare the passage of Proposition 8 to the atrocities put upon the black community, it shows the lack of respect and humility the gay community has for any other right or cause except their own. It also shows a willingness to exploit a culturally sensitive subject for their own cause.
Only this time, it back fired. Instead of gaining sympathy from the black community they claim to understand and have a connection through discrimination with, it was largely due to the black community vote Proposition 8 was passed.
Then why is it that the Mormon Church is receiving the viciously hate filled and intolerant protests against them and not the black community? Why does the gay community feel justified in their vicious attacks toward the Mormon Church while not one single word of protest has been initiated toward the black community? Or the Hispanic community? Or the many other organizations and ethnic groups that showed a larger majority than the Mormon Church in the vote to pass Prop 8?
Protesting homosexuals will tell you it is because The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints donated almost half of the money to the “Vote Yes” campaign. The reality is that the church itself did not donate any money to the campaign. Members of the church, otherwise known as citizens of the United States of America, used their constitutional right to donate the money to the campaign. Citizens who happen to be members of the Mormon Church used the exact same ability as celebrities like Brad Pitt and Ellen Degeneres did in donating money to the cause they believed in. (Interestingly enough had Prop 8 not passed, you would not see any protest going on in front of their homes).
The real reason the gay community is telling the Mormon Church, in essence, to “sit down and shut up” when it comes to voting on how you want, is because they are the easiest group to attack. The gay community knows that they can attack a church that is looked at as an outsider by the majority of the community, both secular and fellow Christian alike, and they face little if any opposition for doing so, even from the same communities who agreed with Prop 8. In essence The LDS Church is an easy target with no real objections from the rest of the religious communities. The gay activists organizing these angry demonstrations realize that the majority of the citizens in this country don’t understand the Mormon Church other than rumor or half-truths, so the concern of groups like the African-American communities, Hispanic or even other religions stepping in to defend them will be small and ineffective, if any at all.
The irony here is more than the gay community claiming to understand the same discrimination felt by the black community, it is the Mormon community who has actually felt the very same sting of inequality.
Theirs is a community that has experienced a history of violence and atrocities towards them not because of the color of their skin but because of what they believe. The Mormons know what it is like to be run out of not just communities but entire states with the threat of their very lives if they didn’t leave. Their ancestors have been beaten and killed by community organized groups. Their leaders have been murdered without a single inquiry from the government into whom the killers were. They have had a state sponsored extermination order placed upon them that was only lifted from the law books within the last 30 years. They even have a very special understanding on being persecuted for wanting to practice marriage in a manner they felt was from God. The difference being, because they actually believe in abiding by the laws of the land, they halted the practice when the government “of the people by the people” made their voice heard. Instead of targeting specific groups and crying “discrimination”, they had faith that in doing so they would eventually gain understanding and respect in their beliefs from the rest of the country. Something the gay community might want to take note of.
Although there have definitely been isolated incidence of hatred, violence and even murder towards some in the gay community, it is the Mormon Church and its members who can empathize with the plight of the civil rights movement. However, because the citizens of this country who happen to be members of the Mormon church decided to use their right to vote, both with their pocketbooks and their ballot, the gay community feels it is within their rights to use hatred, lies, anger and even violence toward a community who cast less than one percent of the deciding vote. In essence it is the gay community telling the LDS community the democracy and equality they are claiming to fight for only applies to anyone who agrees with them. How is that equality? In reality their actions are the very essence of discrimination.
In closing, the desire to be called “Married” by the gay community is understandable. It is a wonderful and sacred obligation. Most people, who are against changing the definition of marriage that has been sacred throughout thousands of years and thousands of civilizations, can truly empathize with a desire for this union. Because they don’t agree with it doesn’t mean anything other than they don’t agree with it. Twice now it has been given to a vote in California and other states and twice now it has been overwhelmingly voted down. That will definitely not stop the desire. It should be a wake up call to the gay community that claiming to have an equal footing with the discrimination felt by the black community is not a fair and accurate representation of your cause. The way you are going about making change in your cause through, force, anger, violence and focused hatred is not gaining you any more true supporters. As a matter of fact just as it is best to turn away and not give attention to a toddler who’s throwing a tantrum for not getting their way, you will find people are turning away from your cause because of your tantrum.
Dr. King and all those who fought for civil rights did it in a civil manner. They did not use hatred, anger or violence. They did not protest against any one group or religion. Most importantly, they did not justify their cause by exploiting or tearing down other beliefs or trying to take away the rights of others. The passing of Proposition 8 in California with a large majority of the votes cast by the same ancestors and survivors of the civil rights movement you claim to have a kinship with should be a message to you that their sacred cause is not now, nor will ever be yours for the exploiting. No matter how much you try to hijack it, yours is not equal to theirs.
That is why they lost their bid against California’s Proposition 8. Not because of the less than 1% of the voting population made up by the Mormon community in California.
How selfish and pompous it is to say the homosexual cause is equal to the cruel, hateful and murderous acts against the Black community endured for hundreds of years in this country.
When was the last time the gay community was not allowed to eat at a restaurant or forced to sit in the back of the bus or give up their seat for a straight person?
What’s the name of any gay community leader who was killed because they were too loud about their cause or when have they had the equivalent of burning crosses placed in their lawns and run out of neighborhoods or communities?
When was the last time there was an organized effort to beat or lynch a gay person for being gay?
When was the last time a gay person was not allowed to vote?
It is not only outrageous to compare the passage of Proposition 8 to the atrocities put upon the black community, it shows the lack of respect and humility the gay community has for any other right or cause except their own. It also shows a willingness to exploit a culturally sensitive subject for their own cause.
Only this time, it back fired. Instead of gaining sympathy from the black community they claim to understand and have a connection through discrimination with, it was largely due to the black community vote Proposition 8 was passed.
Then why is it that the Mormon Church is receiving the viciously hate filled and intolerant protests against them and not the black community? Why does the gay community feel justified in their vicious attacks toward the Mormon Church while not one single word of protest has been initiated toward the black community? Or the Hispanic community? Or the many other organizations and ethnic groups that showed a larger majority than the Mormon Church in the vote to pass Prop 8?
Protesting homosexuals will tell you it is because The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints donated almost half of the money to the “Vote Yes” campaign. The reality is that the church itself did not donate any money to the campaign. Members of the church, otherwise known as citizens of the United States of America, used their constitutional right to donate the money to the campaign. Citizens who happen to be members of the Mormon Church used the exact same ability as celebrities like Brad Pitt and Ellen Degeneres did in donating money to the cause they believed in. (Interestingly enough had Prop 8 not passed, you would not see any protest going on in front of their homes).
The real reason the gay community is telling the Mormon Church, in essence, to “sit down and shut up” when it comes to voting on how you want, is because they are the easiest group to attack. The gay community knows that they can attack a church that is looked at as an outsider by the majority of the community, both secular and fellow Christian alike, and they face little if any opposition for doing so, even from the same communities who agreed with Prop 8. In essence The LDS Church is an easy target with no real objections from the rest of the religious communities. The gay activists organizing these angry demonstrations realize that the majority of the citizens in this country don’t understand the Mormon Church other than rumor or half-truths, so the concern of groups like the African-American communities, Hispanic or even other religions stepping in to defend them will be small and ineffective, if any at all.
The irony here is more than the gay community claiming to understand the same discrimination felt by the black community, it is the Mormon community who has actually felt the very same sting of inequality.
Theirs is a community that has experienced a history of violence and atrocities towards them not because of the color of their skin but because of what they believe. The Mormons know what it is like to be run out of not just communities but entire states with the threat of their very lives if they didn’t leave. Their ancestors have been beaten and killed by community organized groups. Their leaders have been murdered without a single inquiry from the government into whom the killers were. They have had a state sponsored extermination order placed upon them that was only lifted from the law books within the last 30 years. They even have a very special understanding on being persecuted for wanting to practice marriage in a manner they felt was from God. The difference being, because they actually believe in abiding by the laws of the land, they halted the practice when the government “of the people by the people” made their voice heard. Instead of targeting specific groups and crying “discrimination”, they had faith that in doing so they would eventually gain understanding and respect in their beliefs from the rest of the country. Something the gay community might want to take note of.
Although there have definitely been isolated incidence of hatred, violence and even murder towards some in the gay community, it is the Mormon Church and its members who can empathize with the plight of the civil rights movement. However, because the citizens of this country who happen to be members of the Mormon church decided to use their right to vote, both with their pocketbooks and their ballot, the gay community feels it is within their rights to use hatred, lies, anger and even violence toward a community who cast less than one percent of the deciding vote. In essence it is the gay community telling the LDS community the democracy and equality they are claiming to fight for only applies to anyone who agrees with them. How is that equality? In reality their actions are the very essence of discrimination.
In closing, the desire to be called “Married” by the gay community is understandable. It is a wonderful and sacred obligation. Most people, who are against changing the definition of marriage that has been sacred throughout thousands of years and thousands of civilizations, can truly empathize with a desire for this union. Because they don’t agree with it doesn’t mean anything other than they don’t agree with it. Twice now it has been given to a vote in California and other states and twice now it has been overwhelmingly voted down. That will definitely not stop the desire. It should be a wake up call to the gay community that claiming to have an equal footing with the discrimination felt by the black community is not a fair and accurate representation of your cause. The way you are going about making change in your cause through, force, anger, violence and focused hatred is not gaining you any more true supporters. As a matter of fact just as it is best to turn away and not give attention to a toddler who’s throwing a tantrum for not getting their way, you will find people are turning away from your cause because of your tantrum.
Dr. King and all those who fought for civil rights did it in a civil manner. They did not use hatred, anger or violence. They did not protest against any one group or religion. Most importantly, they did not justify their cause by exploiting or tearing down other beliefs or trying to take away the rights of others. The passing of Proposition 8 in California with a large majority of the votes cast by the same ancestors and survivors of the civil rights movement you claim to have a kinship with should be a message to you that their sacred cause is not now, nor will ever be yours for the exploiting. No matter how much you try to hijack it, yours is not equal to theirs.
Tuesday, October 21, 2008
Marriage is the foundation of all free societies!
My best man at my wedding came out a few years later. I still love him as a brother. Just because i don't believe in a certain way of life doesn't mean I have a phobia of anything, it just means I don't agree. I don't agree with people who do drugs, smoke, have affairs, divorce out of convenience or where "goddy" fake gold necklaces with their shirts halfway unbuttoned, it doesn't mean I am afraid or fear them. I just don't agree with them.
I personally feel this video does a great job of how my rights are in more danger than anyone elses if this proposition does not pass.
Besides, for everyone out there who cries that every vote should count. I already voted on this a few years ago, along with millions of other Californians and it did pass. Overwhelmingly. Why does my vote no longer count? Who is crying out for my vote and voice to continue to be heard? Why is the ACLU not standing up for my rights, my voice, my vote?
I personally feel this video does a great job of how my rights are in more danger than anyone elses if this proposition does not pass.
Besides, for everyone out there who cries that every vote should count. I already voted on this a few years ago, along with millions of other Californians and it did pass. Overwhelmingly. Why does my vote no longer count? Who is crying out for my vote and voice to continue to be heard? Why is the ACLU not standing up for my rights, my voice, my vote?
Thursday, September 25, 2008
Millionaire Mind event
Hey all-
I know it's been forever since my last posting. I have been a little busy with the Millionaire Mind evening here in Salt Lake. It finally happened on the 23rd and it was great.
We had about 850 people register and 700 show up. That's a great showing! With over 500 of those being Free people, that's not bad at all.
Everyone really enjoyed themselves. They were thrilled when the announcement of the three day was given. November 13-15 is the date. We had just under 100 people sign up for the VIP package and I was just told by Peak's that the MMI event is 3/4 of the way full already.
What a night.
Harv was really happy with the showing and the energy.
I am so busy right now that I can't write much.
I am busy writing the book and getting the two day event ready. It is going to be a blast.
Dino
I know it's been forever since my last posting. I have been a little busy with the Millionaire Mind evening here in Salt Lake. It finally happened on the 23rd and it was great.
We had about 850 people register and 700 show up. That's a great showing! With over 500 of those being Free people, that's not bad at all.
Everyone really enjoyed themselves. They were thrilled when the announcement of the three day was given. November 13-15 is the date. We had just under 100 people sign up for the VIP package and I was just told by Peak's that the MMI event is 3/4 of the way full already.
What a night.
Harv was really happy with the showing and the energy.
I am so busy right now that I can't write much.
I am busy writing the book and getting the two day event ready. It is going to be a blast.
Dino
Monday, August 11, 2008
Parental Warning
Last week I had a bit of a scare. I got a call from my mom that my dad, whom she has been divorced from since I was 8, had been rushed to the hospital for suspicion of a heart attack.
My dad is 59 years old. Never had any major medical challenges and other than needing to shed about 30 pounds, in fairly good health.
The good news is that he is just fine and the doctors think it was just a stress attack.
For me it was a bit of a moment because I have never really thought of my dad's death. Not in a real way anyway. My mom has had some medical issues so I have contemplated her passing away before but never my dad. So it really hit me.
My dad and I have not had the smoothest of relationships. After he and my mom divorced I really felt that he would rather move on with his life and his new family and that myself and my siblings we just a constatnt reminder of the burden he had to pay child support to every month. There was even a time where I did not visit him or talk to him in my teen age years. Eventually we started a basic relationship again. One where we would share pleasantries and a few disscussions but nothing really deep. Then when Shannon and I started to have children I saw him become this really great grandfather. I actually got a bit jelous of the way he acted and treated my kids. He was so good, caring and loving to them that I wondered why he wasn't that way towards me as a kid. After a few discussions with Shannon, I realized that my dad never learned how to be a dad. His father died when he was 16 years old and wasn't that close of a guy when he was alive. So how was my dad supposed to know how to or how not to act? It was a bit of a break through for me.
The biggest breakthrough came during a seminar I attended called Landmark Forum. I was able to really release my dad from the Story I had created in my head about him and why he did the things he did and why I react to him the way I did. It was really liberating. I actually called him and talked to him about it. I have never been in a situation where my dad and I had a real conversation. Where the two of us were telling the other how much we love each other through the tears we were shedding. It was quite a event for us.
The point is this. After receiving the call about him being rushed to the hospital I shed more tears. This time out of concern for his health and for the potential loss of him in my life. I did not, however, worry about the things not said that so many people worry about. I really felt great that I was able to talk with him and release the feelings I had. That y dad and I now have a relationship, a real relationship, where I can talk with him and laugh with him with no guard up whatsoever. Knowing that if he did pass away tomorrow, I would be at peace with what has been said between us.
If you have an issue with one or both of your parents it's time to clear that up. In other words, let it go. There is an old saying when it comes to holding on to resentment and anger, "It's like drinking poison and waiting for the other person to die." It's costing you more than it's worth. NO MATTER WHAT THE SITUATION, when you let "the story" go it frees you to become whatever you want and allows you to get on with your life.
My dad is 59 years old. Never had any major medical challenges and other than needing to shed about 30 pounds, in fairly good health.
The good news is that he is just fine and the doctors think it was just a stress attack.
For me it was a bit of a moment because I have never really thought of my dad's death. Not in a real way anyway. My mom has had some medical issues so I have contemplated her passing away before but never my dad. So it really hit me.
My dad and I have not had the smoothest of relationships. After he and my mom divorced I really felt that he would rather move on with his life and his new family and that myself and my siblings we just a constatnt reminder of the burden he had to pay child support to every month. There was even a time where I did not visit him or talk to him in my teen age years. Eventually we started a basic relationship again. One where we would share pleasantries and a few disscussions but nothing really deep. Then when Shannon and I started to have children I saw him become this really great grandfather. I actually got a bit jelous of the way he acted and treated my kids. He was so good, caring and loving to them that I wondered why he wasn't that way towards me as a kid. After a few discussions with Shannon, I realized that my dad never learned how to be a dad. His father died when he was 16 years old and wasn't that close of a guy when he was alive. So how was my dad supposed to know how to or how not to act? It was a bit of a break through for me.
The biggest breakthrough came during a seminar I attended called Landmark Forum. I was able to really release my dad from the Story I had created in my head about him and why he did the things he did and why I react to him the way I did. It was really liberating. I actually called him and talked to him about it. I have never been in a situation where my dad and I had a real conversation. Where the two of us were telling the other how much we love each other through the tears we were shedding. It was quite a event for us.
The point is this. After receiving the call about him being rushed to the hospital I shed more tears. This time out of concern for his health and for the potential loss of him in my life. I did not, however, worry about the things not said that so many people worry about. I really felt great that I was able to talk with him and release the feelings I had. That y dad and I now have a relationship, a real relationship, where I can talk with him and laugh with him with no guard up whatsoever. Knowing that if he did pass away tomorrow, I would be at peace with what has been said between us.
If you have an issue with one or both of your parents it's time to clear that up. In other words, let it go. There is an old saying when it comes to holding on to resentment and anger, "It's like drinking poison and waiting for the other person to die." It's costing you more than it's worth. NO MATTER WHAT THE SITUATION, when you let "the story" go it frees you to become whatever you want and allows you to get on with your life.
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