Love, American Style

I saw this cartoon today and it made me sad. Initially it's funny, but then I felt bad for all the people who really feel this way about relationships.
It's such a familiar theme in our modern culture; marriage = end of fun & frolic, and the beginning of an arduous, life-long chore that we are destined to bear.

What does it say about our generation, when we live in the best era in history, and yet can't find happiness in one of the most basic forms, relationships?

Constant Contact

I travel a lot and often don't get to see the kids and Shannon for a week or two at a time. Although it is hard on us all when I'm gone, we make it a real focus to talk to each other at least once a day. This has really helped keep each others spirits up.
I was recently at a engagement and while traveling with a group of other guys, one of them said that he hadn't spoken to his wife in three days. I had to ask what seemed to me the obvious question, "Is she mad at you?" He, very matter of factually said that she wasn't, he just forgets to call her and they don't really think about it too much.
I honestly could not understand that thinking.
One of the greatest things about modern technology is the fact that there is really no excuse not to get in contact with the ones you love on a consistent basis. We are so blessed to have the ability to get on a phone or computer and communicate with those we love most. We don't have to wait weeks or months for the post to come as in the old days. We aren't paying a crazy per minute charge to call long distance. There is literally no excuse not to have daily contact.
I want to be able to encourage Shannon when she is having a rough day while at home with the kids by herself and I need that in return from her while out working. However, it's not just the encouragement, it's more often just the reminder of our relationship. How much I love hearing her voice. How much I enjoy teasing the kids or just hearing about their day. Every day!
We, like Oprah, have found Skype recently. It's a great, free way to not just talk but to see them and they me.
Make it a habit to call your spouse at least once a day, just to check in on them and see how they are.
Husbands, one phone call in the middle of the day to say "I love you" or "How are you doing" will be much appreciated by your wife.
Wives, the same right back at you. We love to know that you are thinking of us throughout your day. Even in the middle of "slaying the dragons" there is always time for a quick, "I'm proud of you, I believe in you, I love you" from our princesses.

How did she get THAT gene?

The kids are old enough now we have them share in cleaning the dishes duties. The other day it was Avery's turn to load the dishwasher. Although they all take longer then needs to be taken to load, Avery has a way of really dragging it out. About 1/4 of the way through she decides she has to take a bathroom break. No big deal. She comes back about 5 minutes later to begin again. After another 15 minutes of taking her time loading she suddenly has to go to the bathroom again. It was then when I realized she does that a lot when it comes to work. She will get started then suddenly have to go to the bathroom. This will happen a few times during whatever the assignment will be. She can go all day playing with friends or watching a long movie and never have to get up, but when it comes to work, all of the sudden her bladder starts tapping at her.

Suddenly an even bigger realization came to me... I did the exact same thing growing up. I started to have flashbacks to working concrete with my step dad during the summers and I would often find myself having to go to the bathroom, just to get a break from working, even if just for a few minutes. I would do it during house chores as well, hoping that the five minutes I spent in the bathroom would mean when I got out the work had somehow magically diminished.

Avery and I definitely share some personality traits like being nosy by wanting to be involved in adult conversations, a desire for attention and a love of laughing. Those I attribute to being a third child. Since she was borne, everyone has said she looks like me but is the "bathroom gene" something that could actually be passed on?

Looks and middle child personality traits, those I get, but I never realized I could pass on the "I'm working, therefore I must go to the bathroom" gene?

This is a test to my site through my phone

New look, new feel, new direction

Hey Everyone,
First of all, I know it's been a while since I posted. I have been going through some major changes and have not had the time to post anything. In the meantime it has given me a chance to think about the direction of my blog and what I really want to do with it. Up to now it has been simply an advice blog. Tips and ideas I have from my book and my events. Even though I will continue to do so, I have now decided to add more about my life and what is going on in our family. The idea behind this new direction is to show the ideas and principles I teach actually being put into action.

Ideas, tips and tricks are fine and good, yet the purpose is also to show how they can work in your life, marriage and family.
In addition, some of the blogs will be video blogs...If I can ever figure out how to make the video cam work with sound.

I hope this finds you all well and the new direction of the site excites you as much as it does me.
Dino

P.S. I did hold a drawing of the winner for the contest. I did it with the video cam. Unfortunately as you just read, I am having difficulty getting the sound to work on it. As soon as I get that to work I will post it. The person who won goes by the name S'mee and I don't know who that is, so I will need their contact information.

New Look Contest

In celebration of Spring we have grown a new look for the blog. As you can tell, we have made it match our web site with our main logo and information as well as changing the name to The Business of Marriage.

In honor of that we want to get your feedback on the new look as well as ANYTHING else you want to comment on. Just for leaving a comment you will be entered into a drawing for a $25 American Express gift card. That's right, just for leaving a comment, you could win a $25 gift card to spend as you like!

I love getting feed back from all of you and I appreciate your support of my mission to change the direction of divorce in this country.
By the way, the winner will be announced on Monday April 6th so you better hurry!

Great letter from a Great couple

In preparing my book, I want to make sure there are some great examples and experiences from real people. I have asked a few people to write their experience in marriage and somehow relate it to my business idea. This is part of a letter sent to me from a wonderful woman whom I have known for over 25 years. I have watched Donna and her husband over the years and always been impressed with their relationship. This is only a portion of the letter she sent to me and i am sure you will all find it very valuable.

Dino,
Business mergers are built through a series of negotiations. Marriage is built along the same lines. Marriage commitment has compromise at the very heart of it.

Unless you live in a vacuum, you have, at one time or another heard this statement. "Divide...and concur!" Well, it's true in every marriage. If you are not consistently alert and in tune with your spouse, some of the simplest things will split you right down the middle. Allowing what appears to be just a simple 'difference of opinion' in your marriage can easily add up day after day and eventually eat away at the whole foundation of commitment to each other. Then before you know it, your 'partnership' will crumble at the first wave of hardship.

For instance, while visiting a video store to rent movies back int eh VHS days, Dave and i happened to overhear one husband snapping at his wife because she had just turned to browse down the "Romance and Drama" section of the store. His words were burned into my mind forever when he shot here a disgusted look and stated, "We are NOT renting any of that Romance crap tonight!" The wife turned a bright red from embarrassment and it made everyone in the store feel very uncomfortable. Needless to say, that couple was, at that moment, a divided unit. And the sad thing was that they were divided over something as simple as picking out a movie.

Dave and I came away from that store thinking a lot about that couple. We wondered if perhaps we were doing the same kind of thing in our daily lives. I like to read and Dave likes to watch movies. Were our individual preferances for simple things in life helping us bond together or separating us from each other?

From that video store moment on, Dave and I decided, as a couple, to share our movie choices. If he got a 'shoot 'em up' movie, then I would get a Romance or Drama movie, and we made sure to watch both of them together. It was a great compromise and I loved my Dave all the more for showing me that what I liked mattered to him even if it wasn't something he was drawn to.

Learning to compromise will get many couples through all kinds of things. Especially those wild teenage years when your children work on their highly skilled, divide and concur routines. Just remember, commitment has real compromise at the heart of it. Work on those two things and your marriage merger will last forever.
Donna

Loving the "Gap" in your marriage.

Too often married couples live in the future expectation as opposed to living in the moment.

Sometimes in marriage we tend to find ourselves dwelling on a desired outcome as opposed to living in the present.

It's the "when, then" factor of our lives.

"When "this" happens, "then" I will feel or have that?
"When I loose weight, then I can be more sexually available for my spouse."
"When he/she listens to my needs, then I will stop yelling."
"When the kids are teenagers, then I can focus on our relationship again."

We all have our "when, then" mantra's in our life. We cling onto them. We "get by" with them. We will even fool ourselves into believing these are some sort of goals or things to work towards.

In fact the only thing these statements are doing is keeping us from living in the moment.
That area between what actually is and what you are hoping to get to is what I call the "Gap".

It is actually that "gap" between what is and what is wanted where we actually are is where you will find your relationship. Where you can find the love, passion and understanding you so desire. Your relationship is the "Gap" between the two. It's not the "then" part of your world, it's the now!

The thing we all have to understand is we have virtual no control over the outcome we end up with. We have no idea what the "then" or "there" will actually be. We have a hope of what it will be, but we don't know.

That old saying comes up again, "Man plans, God laughs."

For a very blunt example; take one of your "when, then" scenarios for your own spouse.
"When he/she does this, then I/we will have that."
What happens, heaven forbid, your spouse dies on the way home form work today? Your "then" will certainly never come to fulfillment. Your outcome has completely changed and worst of all you now realize you missed out on the now part of your life.

Now, I am not saying you should not have goals or a desired outcome. However, too often we tend to not live our lives and enjoy the now part of our lives in exchange for the "someday" effect.

I got news for you, Someday NEVER comes. There is no Someday on any calendar in the world!

You have to learn to live and love in the Gap between what is actually so in your life and where you want to eventually be in your life. Love the person in front of you, that you chose to spend the rest of your life with, NOW!